EP: 0413 - Female Led Relationships - Balancing Desires with Boundaries

00:02 - Krystine (Host)
Welcome back, hi Subby Hey, how's it going? Look at this, we have video. We do we are outside. I received some feedback that the walking was a little distracting. Here we are outside still, but we're not walking, we're sitting, yeah, so let's see if this works any better. We're not walking, we're sitting, yeah, so let's see if this works any better. 

00:25 - Subby (Co-host)
In our next chapter we will create that space so that we'll have a nice, you know, more soundproof, more comfortable. 

00:35 - Krystine (Host)
It will look much better and, frankly, I don't give a fuck. I'm just worried about getting the content out because I have a lot I want to talk about, right, and I've received a lot of feedback for questions and things like that to be addressed on the podcast. So I am focused on just getting the content out, because that's more important to me than what it looks like or that there's birds chirping in the background. 

00:54 - Subby (Co-host)
Yeah, yeah. So that's not sound effects, that's actually happening. 

00:58 - Krystine (Host)
My allergies are fucking wicked right now. It's terrible. Sniffing, sneezing probably going to be part of it. One eye is a little droopy. But here we are. A little bit of housekeeping, uh, as we record this, it is uh, june 5th and the ladies group. It's. June 13th is when the ladies group will take place. This will be a great entry-level ladies group because it's actually going to be a couples group and we're going to discuss the start of the men's group and when that will take place each month. So if you're interested in checking it out, just join my Patreon. The $10 tier gets you access to the Zoom link and also gets you access to the morning walk talks that we do, weather permitting, every day. 

01:46
We did fall off this last couple weeks the last week or so, yeah, yeah with just things going on with life and the weather not cooperating, and us being mobile. But, for the most part, they occur every day. Provided it doesn't rain, that will be us walking, hence the walk talk. So if you don't want to hear us walking or breathing heavy, yeah, well and don't listen and that's just. 

02:10 - Subby (Co-host)
You know you're coming along on the walk with us. You know some some of the background stuff that's going on and maybe a little more behind the curtain kind of stuff, and that's what the walk talk is. It's pretty much unedited, just audio, you know. But those are like our morning discussions in the morning, you know, kind of connecting and getting together and stuff like that. 

02:32 - Krystine (Host)
So I'll talk about those and how those are going and if the follow through is there or if we both get sidetracked and they don't happen, just kind of things like that. Or you know, communication things. Yeah, it's just a morning chat about us, I guess. And sometimes it includes stuff about our bus and logistics. 

03:01
Yes, our life, whatever. So it's kind of a behind the scenes Yep. So if you're interested in that, jump over on my Patreon and sign up. Like I said, it's the $10 tier. If you're interested in having coaching sessions with me, I do offer one-on-one coaching via video or phone call 30 minutes for the $25 tier, 60 minutes for the $50 tier. So that's all listed in there. If you're interested Other than that for housekeeping, I don't know that I have anything Then let's dive in, shall we? Yep? Okay, this episode is going to be I have mentioned this on a few past episodes about an email that I received from a listener regarding ball torture that him and his wife participated in, and I really wanted to have this conversation with my subby. 

03:45
Here's the email Last week, my wife asked me if she could get rough with my balls. I told her yes. She bound and blindfolded me, unlocked my chastity cage and tied up my balls. We've done this before, but not what she did next. She scooted up and sat on my face, while facing my feet like a 69 position, with her seated, and started to swat my balls. They were already quite tender, as I haven't been allowed a release in 2024. She increased the intensity and the frequency of her slaps. 

04:14
As I did my best to keep focused on eating her out, I got to the point where I was quite uncomfortable and wasn't enjoying it. She eventually came and got off me. I thought she was going to finish up but instead got what I later found out to be our spanking wand. She started to slap my testicles with it. I was in intense pain and was trying to figure out at what point I should tell her to stop. I figured, if she wanted to do this, that I should submit as best and as long as possible. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I was on the edge of tears. She untied me and consoled me For a long while. We talked about the session. She locked me back up and we went about our day. 

04:53
I wasn't a fan of the ball beating I guess I'm just not into it. However, she enjoyed it. I'm guessing she will want to try again and I feel like that should be a priority. Do you or yourself have any advice for situations like this? Quite honestly, I would never seek out getting ball busted, but I want to try if she gets something out of it At the end of the day. I also appreciate. We had had a discussion in the ladies group too, about if you just weren't feeling having sex and I wanted to have sex. Do I say too bad, we're having sex, yeah, where is that line and how do you gauge it? First being that you are the ones, you are the one with the balls in our relationship, yep, and I very much would like to talk to them. Tell me what your thoughts are on what I just read. 

05:46 - Subby (Co-host)
I absolutely identify with the email and I feel like I that situation probably would have gone the very same way, right, in any of these situations, you have to have a safe word of some sort, or safe signal of some sort, so that you can communicate to your dominant that I've had enough. 

06:09
Very, very similar, like Tufted out or whatever, as long as I possibly can, and in the same way, because you enjoy that that's something that works for you. And really this is all about what works for you, less about what works for me, right. At the same time, I know you're going to keep me safe, right? Yep, you know, as far as going forward, you've already set the precedent to what that limit is, right. So, as I, I feel like, as long as you're, you've communicated that that is the line. Wherever that is, then the dominant, the female, will know what line to stop at or what line to slow down, come in for a landing, kind of thing. I feel that we are very similar to that email. I'm going right along with what he's saying and he's asking our feedback or our opinions on the matter. I just feel that it would be very similar to what he had said. 

07:20 - Krystine (Host)
I think it goes back to a conversation that we had had I don't remember if this was a walk-talk conversation or if this was a conversation that we had on the podcast but you were saying something and I said I would appreciate if you didn't say that. And you said well, I'm entitled to my own opinion. And that really struck me because I was thinking about it yes, you are entitled to your opinion, but do I control when you're able to voice your opinion? I feel like you should have the freedom of speech to voice your opinion to me, but in our female led dynamic, I would like I mean, I don't know if I should say I would like to control that, but I feel like I have some say on when you voice it. Or is that taking it too far? Because then I questioned it a little bit like is that too much control? 

08:09 - Subby (Co-host)
But that's where the communication comes in, right, and that's where you have those, those deep communications, where you come up to this fork in the road, right, which which way do you go with it? And you have to talk these things out, and we talked that out. We've established that, yes, of course I can have my opinion on things, I'm a human being, right, but you are sort of the gatekeeper on when or where I share that opinion on something right, but, similar to the email, when there is a safe word of some sort and I feel strongly enough that what I need to say needs to be said in order for protection or for safety or for clarity in a moment or whatever, it kind of comes back on me to decide when, yes, you're the gatekeeper, right, but when do I need to use my emergency key, you know? 

09:06 - Krystine (Host)
Yes. 

09:07 - Subby (Co-host)
Again, that's me trusting you to be the gatekeeper, but then you're also in trust in me to to know when to still open that gate right, the discernment right. I'm not a loud mouth no you know, no so in general I I bite my tongue or I don't have much to say or whatever. 

09:30 - Krystine (Host)
By nature very quiet and I don't ever worry about him saying something yeah, I'm not worried. He's going to say something stupid. 

09:37 - Subby (Co-host)
Right, but when I, when I feel strongly that I need to say something, I'm probably going to say it. 

09:44 - Krystine (Host)
I've not yet come across that to be honest, I don't know that I push the limits as far as I would like to, especially as of late. I think that. So, going back to this email, I see both sides of this. I see where it's like the ultimate show of submission. He's enduring all of this to show that he is 100% committed to his Dom, and the fine line there is when is too far, too far. You know he wants to show the ultimate submission, but if it's something that is causing him pain and misery, when is enough enough? And when do you throw that safe word? 

10:24
And then on that comes with all the emotions of feeling like a failure, like you didn't serve her well enough because this is something that she enjoys and you've not been able to give her that Right. But in the same sense, I would want, if it was us, I would want you to tell me, and I also think that I would no longer want to do that because I don't see, and this is hard for me, because I want to say I don't enjoy causing you pain. But I sure do. I don't know that I enjoy causing you enough pain that makes you want to cry. But then the other side of me is like, well, I want him to cry a little bit. I think there's balance, checks and balances for everything. My best advice would be maybe there's a happy medium, maybe there's a certain amount of things she can do to you that still gives her the pleasure of the ball torture and doesn't cause you as much of the pain. 

11:16 - Subby (Co-host)
Right. And, and I was going to say there's the whole safety aspect of this too, right. When is that torture, then a medical? When does it cross that line, right? So, as the sub, you need to be able to say when you think that is or when you're yes, there's pain, but now there's er pain yes you know what I mean. 

11:39
So I come back to. They probably stopped at just the right time, right in that moment, and the precedent has been set to where that, where that limit is. So, as long as they communicate about where that point is you? 

11:55 - Krystine (Host)
know and have a good stopping point, right, I think if you're going to participate, ball torture is not for everyone. Not everyone enjoys this type of play, or I mean, I don't know what else you want to call it. However you address it, yeah. I have allergy brain, but I do think there needs to be some sort of education on. I mean, the testicles are a pretty sensitive area and I think you can do some pretty significant damage if you're not careful. 

12:26 - Subby (Co-host)
Absolutely. 

12:26 - Krystine (Host)
I had somebody that reached out that very much liked caning on their testicles. That scares me because that is a very solid object and I've seen what happens. If I just set my hand on his balls just the right way and push like he will almost jump out of his skin Like I can do it just right and it's extremely painful. 

12:47 - Subby (Co-host)
And you know, maybe I'm a wimp and all this stuff I don't know, and I think everybody's sensitivity is different. Right Now. There's been times, other times, where you've done more than that. And you've been fine and I've been able to endure, or whatever. 

12:59 - Krystine (Host)
So let me ask you this Do you think that when you're at a heightened state of arousal I know that you say you're aroused all the time, but if you're at a heightened state of arousal, do you think that that changes your tolerance for torture on your testicles? 

13:12 - Subby (Co-host)
So at that point the endorphins are released, right? Oh, so it's kind of like an adrenaline thing. So it's an adrenaline thing, it's a chemical thing probably. At that point and listen, I'm totally spitballing the endorphins are released. There's a chemical thing going on, so maybe that masks some of the pain. 

13:31
You know, there's moments in people's lives where they've done incredible things, where in the moment because of what's going on, from the adrenaline and you know they've been able to do that, but in a day-to-day like they'd never be able to pick up a car. Yeah, you know, because then you're thinking about it right, but in the moment of adrenaline you have that extra yeah. 

13:53 - Krystine (Host)
so to your point, for so maybe, if this is a situation where this reoccurs, this playtime reoccurs maybe more arousal or more foreplay prior to testing out. What in the fuck? Seriously, it's like snowing tree parts. A little bit more foreplay prior to starting the ball torture will be beneficial. 

14:19
I don't I mean if I was looking at it as if I was a submissive. I don't know that. I mean I don't like pain. I have a tolerance for pain. And I don't know that I can even say I don't like pain because when you, when we got the riding crop and stuff, I wanted to know what it felt like. So I had you do it to me. Yeah, I don't like it aggressive, but I like the tingle of the blood rushing to my skin. Sure, I do enjoy that feeling and the warmth. Yep, I don't know that I would be able to tolerate the things that you tolerate because, I hit you hard sometimes. 

14:54 - Subby (Co-host)
But we're different, right, we're different. So I, there's something about that pain that works for me, right, the pain itself, but then also who's inflicting it? There's, there's a whole thing that's going on there that makes that different. You know, that's maybe why I, you know, quote, unquote, unquote, can, can, do more or handle more, or whatever, because again, my endorphins are going right, the adrenaline is going, and I'm in that space when those things are going on now let me ask you this from a man's standpoint, because, again, I don't have balls, at least not real ones. 

15:32 - Krystine (Host)
If you were to have a release right before ball torture, would your balls not be more sensitive after the release, like are your, I know the head of your dick is sensitive after you yeah, yeah but like would your balls be more? 

15:48 - Subby (Co-host)
I don't know. I don't know that I have that extensive of a swing of whether I've released or not and how that affects we literally went pretty much the whole winter without any sex right or chastity. Was I uncomfortable? No, just day to day right. 

16:08 - Krystine (Host)
Well, and by nature I don't let him put it in very often. Anyway, Right. 

16:13 - Subby (Co-host)
But? But my point is you know all these guys that say, oh, I have to have a release every week or I'm blah, blah, blah. I can say for me that's not even a thing, right? 

16:22 - Krystine (Host)
So your mileage may vary, assume too. In addition, when we put the chastity device back on, you didn't have any problems with night erections. 

16:33 - Subby (Co-host)
Right. 

16:43 - Krystine (Host)
Which is interesting because, leading up to then, I'd always had. 

16:44 - Subby (Co-host)
Yeah, so maybe the lack of sex is trained it. 

16:45 - Krystine (Host)
I don't know the great wiener trainer. Yeah, yep, I think I think the best advice I would have one is to have the conversation, and I know you said that, you that you talked about it. Okay, so she consoled you after, which is important. 

17:00 - Subby (Co-host)
Aftercare. 

17:02 - Krystine (Host)
And you talked about the session. I would say keep those communication lines open, See if there's a way that you guys can find a happy medium on how she can still do this. You can still feel like you're honoring your submission and being submissive, without taking it to the extreme, Because in the beginning it sounds like it was uncomfortable but not intolerable, and then it quickly changed from more than just uncomfortable but to intolerable. 

17:36 - Subby (Co-host)
And maybe there's a way that that they they can talk this out to. It's not more intense, but it's more frequent, right? 

17:44 - Krystine (Host)
maybe you adjust. Yeah, maybe more frequency will yeah, maybe get you adjusted to that type of that type of play. Yeah, they also. I don't know, I guess I don't know if that was helpful. That's just my thought. 

18:00 - Subby (Co-host)
Yeah, I mean we were asked for our opinions on this thing and I don't know that we have too much of a different opinion than what's what's been going on. I think they're. They're on the right right road as far as you know my opinion on it, and I think they're on the right road as far as how to how to this yes it seems healthy, the relationship with the communication and all that. And you know, by nature, as a submissive, we should be pushed right to where it's enjoyable for the dominant. 

18:32 - Krystine (Host)
That seems to be what's going on here I do enjoy making you uncomfortable to some extent. I don't know if I want it to be unbearable, but I do enjoy the uncomfort level, or you know you being uncomfortable. 

18:43 - Subby (Co-host)
Right, and I enjoy that coming from you. I don't enjoy that from anybody else. You are the only person that can get me to do that. 

18:53 - Krystine (Host)
I would also like to note too I understand that, this being something she very much enjoys, and you're not 100% on board with the full extent of it I think you need to remember too, that you're submitting to her in so many other ways that this one way doesn't change your submission level. You're still her submissive and we all have our boundaries. You're still her submissive and we all have our boundaries. I mean, what you are okay with, nine other men may not be okay with, and what you, you know, I wouldn't think of it as or I wouldn't, I wouldn't consider it, I failed in submitting to her. I would just consider it. 

19:38
You've reached a boundary and this is just something that you can't, and it's not all or nothing. You know, if you're willing to negotiate, if she really enjoys the ball torture, we could do it this way. You know, if you can find some common ground where, if ball torture is something that she very much enjoys, if there's something that's tolerable to you and you're still submitting, maybe that's a common ground where you can feel like you're not failing, and I again don't know if that's how you're feeling. You can feel like you're not failing, and I again don't know if that's how you're feeling. 

20:11 - Subby (Co-host)
But if that's what it is a common ground where you can meet halfway and still offer that enjoyment for her without causing yourself severe pain and misery. And okay, a couple things on that. First of all, welcome to being a submissive. And welcome to a submissive doesn't have to be a whim, Because I guarantee you that there are men who are not submissive that would not stand for a fucking second of ball torture, Right. 

20:32 - Krystine (Host)
Or they couldn't be. 

20:33 - Subby (Co-host)
You are more of a man than most. And I'll say it I don't fucking care. Yeah, right, okay. Thing two we had a comment that I don't let you talk as much. 

20:43 - Krystine (Host)
I will say to you I was waiting for this to come up. 

20:47 - Subby (Co-host)
I will say to you, listener, that I don't really enjoy being in front of the camera to start with. Yeah, I don't enjoy the. I enjoy the other side of all of this. That's my place. However, ms Christine has asked me to be on these episodes because she values my opinion on some of these things, and I bring a male perspective to some of these things as well, so that's why I talk. 

21:09 - Krystine (Host)
I appreciate the feedback. I'm not saying I don't. I want to hear it all. I want to know how you think I can do things better with the podcast or make it more enjoyable for you to listen. I am very interested in what people think of the podcast. Does that mean I'm going to change anything on the podcast because you don't like something? Not necessarily. It depends on what it is. 

21:30
I enjoy having him here because, by and large, people like hearing his side of things and I think a lot of that has to do with people who are just starting a female-led relationship or just discovering it right think that it's whips and chains and handcuffs or that I'm abusing him. And hearing from his own mouth, right, that he's not abused. He very much enjoys this dynamic. I think that's very beneficial. I also think that men tend to stick together. I think sometimes I could say things till I'm blue in the face, but hearing it come from his mouth makes it a hundred percent true or a hundred percent believable, and I'm okay with that. I enjoy doing this podcast with him. I think that it stimulates my thought process. I think that it stimulates me to ask questions that I maybe wouldn't have thought of if he wasn't here. 

22:17 - Subby (Co-host)
For sure. 

22:17 - Krystine (Host)
Does this mean he's going to be on the podcast forever and ever? No, there will probably be some episodes where I'm here by myself, but right now I just enjoy having him here and a lot of the questions that are being asked. I'm interested in getting his perspective on it. So we have the submissive side and the dominant side, Right. So for this question specifically, I enjoy I absolutely enjoy hitting him in the balls. 

22:43 - Subby (Co-host)
I have enjoyed hitting balls since I was in fifth fucking grade. Yep, that started early. 

22:45 - Krystine (Host)
Yes, it did. I, however, would not want to hit him to the point where he is uncomfortable and has to use the safe word yeah. I wouldn't know how far that was, though, until we did it, so we've not gone there. I think this is a great conversation to have. I really appreciate this person reaching out and telling me the story because I think it triggered a fantastic episode about figuring out what your boundaries are, what your lines are, and understanding that. It doesn't make you less of a submissive because you can't handle how far your dominant wants to go. 

23:18
It's okay to have boundaries. 

23:20 - Subby (Co-host)
You're first and foremost in a relationship, so you should be able to relate with each other. Ball torture does not define your marriage. It's an extra thing and much like bowling night you figure out what works best for you as a couple. So, just like you were just saying, just because you can't handle what she wants as far as fall torture, that doesn't mean anything. It just means that that's where the limit is. 

23:47 - Krystine (Host)
Mm-hmm, you just have to figure out what your limits are and boundaries. Yep Communication All the words we use, yep. I think that wraps this up. I just wanted to address that. This email came in probably we were probably still in Arizona and I just hadn't had the chance, but I knew I wanted to do an episode on it and I didn't respond because I wanted to do an episode on it. So here we are doing the episode. I will email the person who emailed me this and let them know that there is an episode coming out. In closing, I would love to see some new faces in the ladies group, if you're interested. 

24:32 - Subby (Co-host)
again, june 13th, it's at 7 pm central time, and this one is a couple's, so you can bring your subbie right, so we can also see some more guy faces too. 

24:37 - Krystine (Host)
Yes, and if you don't, it is a zoom link. But if you don't want to show your faces or you don't want, to be recorded. You sure don't have to. You can just do audio, right? 

24:44 - Subby (Co-host)
it's just a phrase yes, yeah, no, I know, I just wanted to put that out there, yeah I have a listener friend in canada who we chit chat, you know, off and on all the time and he really enjoys being able to connect with me and and I enjoy being able to connect with him on perspectives, on a guy level. Right, it's not a different, it's not a better level, it's not a higher level, it's not I'm not hiding anything. We relate on on for the guy level, the submissive level. You know all of that. We so guys, there's more of us available to talk with each other. Where you might not be able to bring this topic up with the guys, we could form our own group, that is the guys, and you can bring all of this stuff and we'll talk about all of this stuff, because I think that that is lacking. 

25:35 - Krystine (Host)
And I don't want anybody to think our relationship is perfect, because it is far from it. We have our struggles, we have our rough days, we have our great days. I mean, it's perfect for us. It is perfect for us, right? I just don't want anybody to not come because they think that we're living the female led relationship dream. And if you've listened to any of the past episodes or you're a member of my Patreon and you listen to the walk talks, we have also had our struggles. Life happens Sometimes you fall off the female led relationship wagon and that's acceptable. But I think that's where having these groups comes into play, because it's nice to have somebody to relate to. I need my other dominant women to offer suggestions on, maybe, what they do or struggles that they've had, and I can offer suggestions. And that's where I think the men's group is going to be helpful, because I don't know what it's like to be a submissive and nor will I probably ever find out. 

26:25 - Subby (Co-host)
Right. 

26:27 - Krystine (Host)
And it's different. You know you relate on different levels. So anyway, all that rambling, just to say, if you're interested, patreon 10 bucks gets you access to the zoom link. Thursday, june 13th, 7 pm Central Time. If you have any questions prior, please don't hesitate to reach out. If you have anything you'd like me to address on the podcast, you can reach me at Krystinekellogg.com K-R-Y-S-T-I-N-E, or you can email me Krystinekellogg@gmail.com. All of the things. My website has a contact spot where you can contact me through my website, or you can just email me at my Gmail. 

27:02 - Subby (Co-host)
Yep, or leave a voicemail message on the website. Yep, we'll play that, if that's all right. Yep, yep, all the things. 

27:09 - Krystine (Host)
Yes, so don't hesitate to reach out and don't hesitate to leave feedback. I love it all. This was no bag to the person that said they wished that my subbie would let me talk more. I talk all the time and I appreciate you taking the time to leave the feedback. 

27:22 - Subby (Co-host)
Right for sure. 

27:24 - Krystine (Host)
I hope everyone has a fantastic week. Stay healthy, be safe, be kind. Love you all.