EP: 0412 - Female Led Relationships - How to Handle Guilt in Cuckolding

00:00 - Krystine (Host)
Welcome back, hi Subby. Hey, how you doing Freezing, but I'm good. On our morning walk, you guys all get to listen to me breathe heavy, do you like it? It's not that bad, it's not. I feel like I breathe heavy, but it should only get easier the more we do this right. So today, in the spirit of continuing answering your questions, subby, yes, what are the questions we are answering today? 

00:29 - Subby (Co-host)
Okay, as a little bit of background, you have a website. On the website, listeners can contact you through the contact form and they can leave questions, messages, whatever. Also, they can leave a voice message, if they'd like, to Yep, and we will play that voice message. If they'd like to Yep, and we will play that voice message, if you give us permission to and answer that on the podcast. How? 

00:53 - Krystine (Host)
about that and if you're worried about your voice being recognizable, there are things we can do in editing to change the pitch or tone of your voice so it is not recognizable. If you are worried, what she just said? 

01:07 - Subby (Co-host)
Yep, perfectly Okay, this is from S. 

01:12 - Krystine (Host)
Okay. 

01:13 - Subby (Co-host)
I'm in an FLR and I'm also locked. We are in a one-sided, open relationship. My key holder is struggling with guilt that she's having great sex while I'm at home. While I tell her I love her and she's getting awesome sex, she feels guilt. How do I get her to overcome these feelings and embrace her role as sex goddess? 

01:38 - Krystine (Host)
I like how you read that I can relate to her on so many levels, because I also went through this when we well, when we first, very first started, before we were even doing chastity I had slept with someone else at our house. So many wrong choices there that could have gone badly but didn't yeah now I think you should answer this from a man's perspective who is into that aspect of the dynamic. 

02:04 - Subby (Co-host)
Yes, so the communication thing. 

02:06 - Krystine (Host)
Yep. 

02:07 - Subby (Co-host)
Touching on that lightly, but you're talking with her, so that's, that's already established. 

02:13 - Krystine (Host)
Right, it's good that you guys are open to, or it's good that you're communicating how each of you is feeling. I think that's crucial. 

02:19 - Subby (Co-host)
Right Now, here's a word that I didn't know anything about until maybe the last few years. The word is compersion, that is, the ability to feel joy. When someone else is feeling joy, happiness, excitement, to feel good about them feeling that. Yep, now I probably butchered the definition, but that's my understanding of it. 

02:46 - Krystine (Host)
Yes, and I appreciate that. I mean it's easy to understand. 

02:49 - Subby (Co-host)
Right. So I guess that a tip could be that you could introduce this word, that it's that what you two are going through, what you're feeling, what she's doing, all of these things, that there is actually a word for that. It's actually a thing, and you can go down that road of, let's talk about compersion and what that means to you two as a couple. 

03:17 - Krystine (Host)
Yes, I will also say what helped me wrap my head around it a little bit was you explained it to me as one. This is your ultimate act of submission. 

03:33 - Subby (Co-host)
Oh yeah. 

03:35 - Krystine (Host)
Because you're showing me that you just want me to be happy and enjoy things in life, and there might be something that someone else can do that you can't do. Yes, you want me to experience. 

03:45 - Subby (Co-host)
Yes. 

03:46 - Krystine (Host)
So that really kind of helped me wrap my head around it when you look at it, as this is an act of submission, Right. 

03:53 - Subby (Co-host)
So there's a. There's a lot right there for sure. First, the submission part. I feel that I get to step back while you step forward in the sex department. Right, right, I get to go without yep while you go with yep, and that's a sacrifice, right? Yes, that's like a sacrifice. And S? Yep, I so identify with the it's. I don't know if it's joy, happiness, good feeling I don't know what the word is for that, necessarily but it's a good feeling. 

04:30 - Krystine (Host)
Yes, it brings you sacrifice yeah. Also on that note for my Savvy specifically, we've discussed that he's into humiliation, he enjoys humiliation and I think that, yeah, I don't know if you enjoy the emotional rollercoaster of it, because watching me be with someone else because that is another aspect to that I enjoy him being there to see it. It also makes me feel safer, sure, but you experience a whole plethora of emotions, right, like you're happy to see me getting pleasure yes you're jealous a little bit that you can't give me that pleasure. 

05:12
But it's not a jealous where you want to beat the person up. It's more of a right envy maybe right and then I can't, but you can yep, and I think it also turns you on to see somebody else getting me off yeah, the humiliation part of it. 

05:28 - Subby (Co-host)
Yep, that's absolutely another part of it. Yep, yes, I don't know if that's your thing at all, yep, but as far as it being my thing, yes, absolutely and humiliation is a really it's a really touchy area. Yes, it can. 

05:41 - Krystine (Host)
Because you have to be really careful when you're doing like humiliation play or if that's your kink or however that looks, Because I think you have to be in the right mindset, Like if you were having a bad day or something had occurred. I wouldn't look at you and be like you're such a piece of shit. 

06:00 - Subby (Co-host)
Yeah. Or something along those lines, but what is interesting is that's okay, so that's not happened really. 

06:07 - Krystine (Host)
Yeah, I'm not the greatest at the humiliation game. 

06:09 - Subby (Co-host)
No, but I mean, we've never that moment hasn't really happened because it's not been presence of mind, I suppose yes. So right now I would like to say that that might snap me out of my bad mood. Yeah, maybe Instantly, right? Yeah, in the moment I don't know, because we've never really tried that. 

06:28 - Krystine (Host)
Yeah, it's interesting. I mean I really struggled with the humiliation aspect. I mean, obviously I've got the small penis humiliation down. 

06:36 - Subby (Co-host)
You're good at that. 

06:39 - Krystine (Host)
I don't know. I struggle a little bit with like humiliating your character or who you are as a person, because I feel like what I'm saying doesn't mean anything and I've always kind of been a firm believer that words have power. And if those words have power, what am I doing to you subconsciously by saying these things to you? And I don't necessarily. You know, like if I was like you're such a lazy piece of shit, like I wouldn't mean and I don't necessarily, you know, like if I was like you're such a lazy piece of shit, like I wouldn't mean that I don't think you're lazy, right, I don't think you're a piece of shit either, but you know what I mean. 

07:09 - Subby (Co-host)
But to your point, those words are impactful. 

07:14 - Krystine (Host)
Yeah. 

07:15 - Subby (Co-host)
I know that you really don't mean those Yep Right, but to hear those words with coming from your voice, that's impactful for me. 

07:31 - Krystine (Host)
Right. So okay, this is kind of off the topic of the question, but what does humiliation play, or humiliation, whatever you want to call it? I mean, does that make you feel good, like why? What are your emotions when I say things like that to you? 

07:40 - Subby (Co-host)
So it kind of comes back to the compersion thing. 

07:42 - Krystine (Host)
Yeah. 

07:43 - Subby (Co-host)
Where, and the submission thing, obviously, Yep, it comes back to those things. Because then I feel that and we talked about it recently in an episode that inferior to you- yes. And that's like a fulfilling feeling, yep, that I want to feel from you. 

08:04 - Krystine (Host)
And do you think that makes you want to submit more to me? 

08:07 - Subby (Co-host)
Well, for sure. Well, absolutely Right, yep, because then that's just another sprinkle. Yep on our FLR Sunday. Yes, it absolutely could be on the same level as chastity, to be honest, because you know chastity is going without. 

08:28 - Krystine (Host)
Yep. 

08:29 - Subby (Co-host)
Right. So there's that and that is that is humiliating. Yeah, that's true, it is right. So these verbal things are on the same level as that physical thing. 

08:39 - Krystine (Host)
Interesting. We didn't really. He kind of asked how to get her to be his or how to get her to be the sexual goddess she deserves to be. 

08:49 - Subby (Co-host)
He's more talking about the guilt. Yeah like her guilt? Right, she's doing it. Yes, right, but she doesn't feel good about it, yes, so how do we address the feeling good about it? Right, and that's where the compersion comes in. 

09:03 - Krystine (Host)
Yep, that's where the submission comes in, and all of that and maybe just have that conversation with her, letting her know, right, that if it ever gets to a point where he's uncomfortable or he's not enjoying it anymore, that he'll go to her and have the conversation. And I, I think too just in my personal opinion the longer it happens, I think, the more comfortable she will get with it. Because, like, in the beginning I was super nervous, right, like and we don't do this often, I mean, it's been a long time but when we did in the very early on, before we knew what the fuck we were doing, I was really nervous. But I learn, or I get more comfortable the more I do things right. So the more these situations or the more this cuckolding, whatever you want to call it, happens, I think, the more comfortable should get with it. And as long as you are keeping your lines of communication open, I think that's going to be so beneficial. 

09:58 - Subby (Co-host)
Here's a question that I have now. 

10:00 - Krystine (Host)
Okay beneficial. 

10:05 - Subby (Co-host)
Here's a question that I have now. Okay, does she share? 

10:07 - Krystine (Host)
her experiences with you in those moments, and okay. So that makes me think of a question if you participate and this is for anyone, if you do participate in cuckolding, what does that look like as far as? Does your partner share with you their sexual escapades, yeah, or is it something that you've agreed you should not share? Like what? What does that look like for your relationship? Like for us specifically? This is kind of hypothetical line for us at the moment, but if I was to sleep with someone else, I mean, there's one person excluded but I would want you there, and that one person is excluded because I'm comfortable enough with them that I don't feel like you need to be there, but I would always want you there because I feel safer and I think we would talk about it a lot and I think we would have a lot of sex after, probably, yes, and I think we would have a lot of sex after? 

11:02 - Subby (Co-host)
Probably yes, and I just thought of another thing. 

11:06 - Krystine (Host)
What else did you come up with? 

11:07 - Subby (Co-host)
So on this, then if she doesn't share right now, I would recommend that you tiptoe down that road. 

11:14 - Krystine (Host)
If you want to hear about it. 

11:16 - Subby (Co-host)
If you want to hear about it, yes. While you are pleasing her, oh Right, Yep. While she is telling you little snippets about what the experience was like, what she was feeling, what the other person did, how it made her feel all of these things right. 

11:33 - Krystine (Host)
I think that's brilliant, because actions speak louder than words, and if you're getting her off, Right. Or pleasing her in some way while she's telling you about this and she can see how you physically react to it. That may calm her guilt. 

11:47 - Subby (Co-host)
Yes, because then that brings it into a thing that you both share. 

11:52 - Krystine (Host)
Yeah. 

11:53 - Subby (Co-host)
Right, and I can say all of that because I know that that would work well for me. 

11:57 - Krystine (Host)
Yeah. 

11:58 - Subby (Co-host)
Right. 

11:58 - Krystine (Host)
And me. 

11:59 - Subby (Co-host)
Your mileage may vary. Yeah Right, emmy, your mileage may vary. 

12:01 - Krystine (Host)
If this, if you've only done it a couple of times, or if this is new, where she's telling you about the experience, you have to make sure that you're really in touch with how you feel. 

12:08 - Subby (Co-host)
Right. 

12:09 - Krystine (Host)
You know, you don't know what emotions might come out of that. 

12:12 - Subby (Co-host)
It just sounds like this is a thing that that you two are doing, but there's guilt involved, and that we're trying to figure out how to assure that there doesn't need to be guilt. 

12:23 - Krystine (Host)
Right. 

12:24 - Subby (Co-host)
That's I don't know. That's kind of my thought on. 

12:26 - Krystine (Host)
Yeah, or to ease the guilt or you know, I don't know Like to some extent, I would guess I don't know if guilt is always there. I don't know that I've ever felt guilt, but I've been pretty confident in how you feel because we've talked about it Right so many times. You feel because we've talked about it right so many times. Yeah, I just got a bug up my nose. I hope that answered your question. 

12:45 - Subby (Co-host)
Feel free to reach out if you have any others yeah, we'd like to hear back on those couple things that that we were wondering. 

12:50 - Krystine (Host)
I'd be very interested yeah. I'm tired are you? Yep, I think that wraps up this episode. I hope everybody has a fantastic week. Stay safe, stay healthy, and I love you all.