EP: 0411 - Female Led Relationships - How do I talk to my partner about an FLR??

00:00 - Speaker 1
Careful. 

00:00 - Speaker 2
Sorry, you got excited for a minute, you get the E label on that one. That's okay, I like it. 

00:41 - Speaker 4
Welcome back, hi Subby hey how's it going? 

00:48 - Speaker 2
Before we dive into the question of the day, let's address some housekeeping. 

00:52 - Speaker 1
Yes. 

00:53 - Speaker 2
Housekeeping. Let's start off you like that I do. 

00:59 - Speaker 1
You should leave that. 

01:04 - Speaker 2
By now you're probably noticing a trend that we've been doing these while we walk. Yep, we're trying to walk three miles a day for good heart health and to take better care of ourselves, because we're getting old and crusty gives us a little privacy too, to yeah for these, and we have the means. 

01:19
So what we've been doing for the last few episodes, or what we've done for the last couple episodes is you can reach out to me on my website Krystinekellogg.com K-R-Y-S-T-I-N-E, and ask me a question, and I've been answering them in an episode. Yeah, this will not forever be our content. We will go back to recording in a booth, but this is where we're at and I want to get a podcast out, because I miss talking. To get a podcast out because I miss talking. 

01:44
Yeah, I mean I talk a lot, but we are also doing morning walk talks. We are. We take a walk, like we are right now, every morning and we just have a 10 to 15 minute conversation about whatever comes to mind. 

01:58 - Speaker 1
A little behind the scenes, behind the curtain kind of stuff that doesn't make it to the podcast. 

02:03 - Speaker 2
And it's posted on my Patreon. If you join at the $10 tier, you get access to that. What else do you get Early access to podcasts? What else do you get the link to the ladies group? 

02:14 - Speaker 1
There it is. 

02:16 - Speaker 2
And coming in July the men's group will be starting. So if you're interested in participating in a men's group with my subbie to talk about all the subbie, wins yeah subbie fails, subbie tips, subbie tricks, whatever the case might be, join my patreon and listen. 

02:33 - Speaker 1
This is a legit thing, right, because I don't have anyone to talk to except for my friend in Canada, and you know who you are because you're probably listening to this, appreciate you, but there's more of us. Why isn't there a group or, you know, a group chat or something, where you know we're all checking in with each other, we're all talking about things? Obviously we talk about things with our dominant female figures in our relationship, whatever the label you want to put on that, but you know there's guys' perspective on these things. 

03:10 - Speaker 2
And I think it's good to have a safe space where you can. I mean, you should obviously be able to talk to me about anything, yeah and I do, but there's just you know relatable things between the subs. I mean, there's things that you guys experience, that I don't. 

03:25
So, this is a great place to create just a community for you guys, cause I think too you know I've said this that a good portion of the people that reach out to me are male and they're really just looking for some guidance. And I don't mean this to sound sexist, but I think sometimes a man just relates better to a man, specifically in this case, because case, because you know, you guys are experiencing the same thing. It's different, yep. 

03:49 - Speaker 1
If you're interested in that, jump on the Patreon. And this isn't like a cash grab thing or whatever. And the reason we do the Patreon thing is to kind of vet people and just get to know them before we do Zoom yeah. Right, because you know that Zoom link to the ladies group is a pretty private thing. We don't want just anyone jumping in there and causing problems. 

04:08 - Speaker 2
We want people to feel safe, like we're talking about the more in-depth things and real life relationship things. So join the Patreon if you want to get the Zoom link. 

04:17 - Speaker 1
To the men's group, yep, and if you're in a relationship, then your beautiful queen will have the access to the ladies group. So and then, often we do not often, but every once in a while we do a couples group. 

04:30 - Speaker 2
The next one's coming up in June and I really liked that one. Also on my Patreon, if you sign up at the $25 tier you get a 30 minute phone call, zoom call, whatever with me once a month, and the $50 you get a 60minute. 

04:44 - Speaker 1
Right. So those are at the different levels. 

04:45 - Speaker 2
Yeah, if you're interested in just one-on-one. 

04:47 - Speaker 1
Yeah, some coaching. 

04:48 - Speaker 2
Being able to ask me questions. Consulting, yeah, private interaction, whatever Yep. Okay, anywho. Yeah, enough about the Patreon. Yep, our YouTube channel has been taken the previous episode for nudity and sexual content. Yeah, so video will be on hold for right now until I figure out exactly what I'm going to do about that. My only fans I deleted because they started taking my stuff down for sexual content. Holy, what the fuck is only fans? 

05:15 - Speaker 1
I don't I'm so confused how our little content is pissing off these major platforms. 

05:23 - Speaker 2
It was literally Meanwhile. People are having sex on. 

05:27 - Speaker 1
OnlyFans Okay, and YouTube yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? 

05:32 - Speaker 2
Listen, it is what it is. I'll find another platform. Anyway, onlyfans is gone. Good riddance, I'll figure something else out, yep. 

05:40 - Speaker 1
I guess if you are interested in an erotic audio of some sort, just reach out to us and maybe we could work something out. 

05:47 - Speaker 2
Yes, and on that topic, I'm not opposed to doing erotic audios. Here's where I'm at. You have to write what you want me to say. I can ad lib as I go, yeah. 

05:55 - Speaker 1
Or at least a really good outline. 

05:56 - Speaker 2
Yeah. 

05:57 - Speaker 1
That we can work together, that we can fill in. 

05:59 - Speaker 2
It's just a matter of time. You know, starting this business is taking a lot of our time At this time. If you're looking for an audio, then erotic audio. Whatever you need to contact me, and I would love it if you had a really good outline or a script. Yep, I think that's it. I don't know that there's anything else for housekeeping. 

06:16 - Speaker 1
I think that's about it. 

06:17 - Speaker 2
Okay, so we're going to kind of rewind, refresh and revisit the topic of how do you introduce this dynamic to your partner. I know it might feel like we've kind of talked about this ad nauseum, but it sure seems like people keep asking. So maybe I'm not answering the question enough or I don't know. 

06:38 - Speaker 1
Yeah, so you know, if you've been a long time listener and you're tired of hearing about this, it's okay to skip over this one. But if you're a recent or new listener, you know you may have this question as well. Yep, so we'll talk about it. 

06:52 - Speaker 2
Who knows, maybe we'll keep talking about it and something new will come up. Yeah, and you'll be like, oh, I never thought about that. Yep, I will preface all of this by saying whatever we say after, this is not what my subbie did. 

07:11 - Speaker 1
No, no, no, no, this question is from JK. Anyway, february 4th came into the contact form. Yep, it says hello ma'am, I have a question. I'm sure you may have been asked a lot of times, but if you do not mind, I'd like to ask the same question. Please listen, ask the question. 

07:34
yeah, I'll I'll talk about how do I introduce my girlfriend to a female-led relationship? Is there material that you can recommend for me or something you may have? Oh, something you may have that I can recommend for me, or something you may have, or something that you may have that I could recommend. Thank you very much. 

07:52 - Speaker 2
You know I've talked about this. I would really like to do some sort of book pamphlet, something on the things that we talk about on the podcast, something that relates to how do you introduce your partner to this dynamic, adding sprinkles, things like that. It's very overwhelming for me to think about putting that all together. We've started Sabi School. That would be geared more towards the men. I would assume my side of things would be more geared towards the ladies and understanding what your partner's asking for when they ask for this dynamic. Now it's going to be a huge generalization because every man is different in what he's wanting out of the relationship Exactly, and every woman is different in what she's going to accept or participate in. 

08:39 - Speaker 1
Or react. Yes, I do recognize that there is not a lot of material out there written by women, actually by women, yeah not a lot of material out there written by women, actually by women, yeah, and this type of relationship has been like glamorized by the porn side of it, right? 

08:53 - Speaker 2
I think in the BDSM, like if you're in a female-led relationship, it's about punishments and yeah, and I think that's a big turnoff for women because they don't want to be your mom. 

09:03 - Speaker 1
Right. So that's, that's part of it, and the other part is that it's just not sustainable. This relationship is absolutely sustainable if done the right way and if you can have the space to accept that it's not going to be like full throttle all the time. Yes, right, it's going to ebb and flow, and we are examples of that. We have other listeners who are examples of that, and get into that mind space first, before you present this to your significant other. 

09:31 - Speaker 2
And, when you present it, have this conversation with her. You know, explain that you have an idea of what a female-led relationship is, but you have no idea what your female-led relationship with your partner is going to look like. Right, and it's something that you want to explore with her. It's something you want to try together, and it would express that you anticipate fuck ups or mistakes we all do, or you know what I mean Like this isn't something that she has to just get perfect or that you're going to get perfect, being the submissive. 

10:02 - Speaker 1
Right. So I would recommend that you start by your actions first. Okay, in the way that you treat your significant other, by how you can serve her in ways that aren't like over the top. 

10:18 - Speaker 2
Yeah, it's almost like a vanilla start to a female led relationship. 

10:21 - Speaker 1
Yes, you are taking over tasks that she does. Make sure you do them just as well, or better. 

10:28 - Speaker 2
Or the way she wants them done, or the way she wants them done. 

10:30 - Speaker 1
That's what I'm trying to say yes, yes, the way she wants them done. Take over those tasks right. Begin to recognize the little things that would help her throughout the day, maybe things that aren't even tasks at all yet and listen, I'm not talking about overwhelming yourself with all these things at once. Start with one thing at a time. Is it laundry? Is it dishes? 

10:51 - Speaker 2
It could be as simple as, like you, paying attention to my water bottle and refilling it when it gets low. Yes, it can be so, so simple. 

10:59 - Speaker 1
Do the things before you're asked to do them. As an example, check her water bottle. Where is it at? Could she use more? This is the mindset A mindset that you get into that you are helpful to your significant other. 

11:13 - Speaker 2
And pretend you're dating. Open her door for her. 

11:15 - Speaker 1
Yes. 

11:16 - Speaker 2
You know, open the doors when you go places. 

11:19 - Speaker 1
Go around the vehicle and open the door for her. 

11:21 - Speaker 2
Yeah, open the door in the car. 

11:23 - Speaker 1
Because that's a very intentional thing. Yeah. 

11:31 - Speaker 2
That is something that she will notice. Those are the things to do first before you bring up anything. Yes, and I would agree with that because I am very much a acts of service Like the things that you do for me are very recognized and your words are important to me as well, but your actions are way more. Yeah. 

11:44 - Speaker 1
And that should be really for anyone. 

11:46 - Speaker 2
Yeah, you know it depends on the person. Not everybody is an acts of service. Some people like the mushy cards and things like that. I would much prefer an act of service. 

11:56 - Speaker 1
Right, but, like you know, words only mean so much. Correct, you know. So start with the actions first. Okay, at some point and this is not trickery, this is not manipulation, this is just a adjustment in your relationship that if you want it to go down this road, you have to own and do some of the things. 

12:16 - Speaker 2
It's almost like letting her try it on. 

12:18 - Speaker 1
Right. 

12:19 - Speaker 2
You know what I mean. 

12:20 - Speaker 1
Taking it for a test drive? Yep, at some point she may mention you know, geez, I've noticed a change in you, or you're doing all these things, and I really appreciate it. That is the time to a light introduction of where your mind is. 

12:36 - Speaker 2
I came across this thing and I wanted to give it a try to see if I would like it. Yeah, and I really like it. Would you be interested in giving it a try with me? 

12:45 - Speaker 1
Yeah, and now that doesn't necessarily mean you're jumping off the dock into the lake, right, correct? That means you're sitting down on the dock and putting your feet in the water. Yep, okay, a little tiptoeing. In that conversation you can talk about how she is everything in your world, she's the most important, and you just can't spend enough time with her. You just can't do enough. And by doing those things, yes, it benefits her, but it also gives you good feelings and who doesn't like good feelings? Right, because then that turns into positive changes in your life, in your workspace, with your family, friends, whatever, whatever. This isn't just a little fun thing. Well, it could be that too, but this isn't just a little fun thing that you do as a couple. It's a lifestyle, it's a life thing. Yeah, lifestyle, it's a life change. Not everybody needs to be let in on what you and your significant other are doing. 

13:43 - Speaker 2
This is probably one of the easiest dynamics to do without publicly advertising, if that makes sense. 

13:50 - Speaker 1
Also on this when you are going out with a group of friends, another couple, whatever it might be, and you are the guy that's holding the door open, you are the guy that is, you know, seating your significant other, sliding the chair out, sliding the chair in, you are that guy, be that guy, because what will happen, potentially, is that the other female in the group will say wait a minute, what's going on here? You know, so you can be an inspiration, right? Also, you know, at that point again, you're communicating and we can't stress this enough You're communicating openly about the thing. After a conversation or two, you are maybe confessing things that have been on your mind for decades, right, but you didn't have anybody in your life that you felt comfortable sharing these things with, because these are things that just you don't talk about, right? Yep, well, you sure do. If these are things that are on your mind and that you would like to see in a relationship, they're absolutely worth talking about. These are a couple conversations down the road. 

14:59 - Speaker 2
They're absolutely worth talking about. These are a couple conversations down the road. I think that okay. So I believe what you just offered is probably almost like a subbie's perspective of it. Let me offer it from my perspective as a woman who's never known anything about this dynamic and things that I would have wished maybe weren't said in the beginning because I wasn't ready. 

15:17
Here are words that I would steer clear of in the beginning until you're comfortable, based off a woman who thinks like me stay away from slave master. There's such a demeaning attachment to them for me. Stay away from those words. Maybe hold back on talking about the different punishments and maybe her responsibility in the female led relationship and being the dominant. I would just do like my subbie said do the acts of kindness, do the acts of service, and then work into that. Right, because talking to me now and talking to me when my subbie first introduced all of this to me, I'm on a whole different level. 

15:56
Right, if you steer clear of those things and really just show her and then you both together come up with a plan for what this looks like. Right, if you steer clear of those things and really just show her and then you both together come up with a plan for what this looks like. Right, and I think the biggest thing is make her feel comfortable. Yes, because this was my biggest setback All my life. It was frowned upon to talk about sex things that turn you on. It's frowned upon for a woman to masturbate Acceptable for a man, not a woman Bullshit. Really make her feel comfortable in expressing the things that she enjoys, the things that turn her on. Maybe ask her the questions just to get her to answer honestly and talk about the things that turn her on and feel comfortable talking about that with you. 

16:36 - Speaker 1
Create that space, that safe space where you can talk about these things. Maybe she's never had that space either. Yes, but make her feel and again, this is not trickery or manipulation this is your fucking relationship. 

16:50 - Speaker 2
You're creating a solid foundation. 

16:51 - Speaker 1
Yes, Create that space where she can share openly on things as well. 

16:56 - Speaker 2
And I think you have to also be patient. Yep, this is going to take time. 

17:00 - Speaker 3
Yes. 

17:01 - Speaker 2
You're going to have to be patient. Let her process things and let her know that you're there while she's processing. She can talk about the good, the bad, the ugly, whatever it is with you. What is her hesitations? You really? I mean, it takes a lot of conversation. There's going to be bumps in the road. You need to make sure you're actively listening to what she's saying. 

17:20 - Speaker 1
Actively listening. Yep yeah. 

17:23 - Speaker 2
And offer different perspectives. As far as materials, like I kind of touched on this, I don't have anything specifically that I recommend. I mean. 

17:32 - Speaker 1
Okay, so obviously there's this podcast, right, and now this podcast talks more about the relationship aspect of this real life. This is not a fantasy podcast. Now have we tiptoed into that? Yeah, spend some time there, absolutely, because we will we will get back there, yeah, but I mean, as far as just talking about on the podcast, absolutely, yeah, you know, because that's legit part of this as well, yep, but this podcast is not a fantasy podcast not really so. 

18:01 - Speaker 2
We talk about the real life the dirty, the pegging, the caging, careful. Sorry, you got excited for a minute. 

18:07 - Speaker 1
You get the e-label on that one that's okay, I like it. 

18:11 - Speaker 2
I'm leery to recommend fat life because I it was very overwhelming for me and you can find the good people on there. The people that are truly trying to be helpful can be found there. It's just sometimes a search. 

18:22 - Speaker 1
They can be helpful. I would not recommend FetLife in the first. Oh fuck. No, this is a few months down the road. 

18:29 - Speaker 2
Maybe Once you've established that space, and you're looking for more ideas or tips or whatever. 

18:35 - Speaker 1
Right, that's a good idea. There are also blogs that you could read. 

18:39 - Speaker 2
I mean, if this is something you're serious about, it's something you want to live on a regular basis, it can be really hard to find good material that isn't fantasy based, so circling all the way back. 

18:53 - Speaker 1
don't do this like I did this right. Learn from my mistakes, but I didn't know any better at the time. What we're trying to offer you is some legit information on how to take those steps forward. Okay, I dumped everything on Miss Christine's lap, like within the first few conversations. 

19:11 - Speaker 2
Worked out well for chastity, not the rest of it. 

19:13 - Speaker 1
Yeah, I overloaded. But by that time in my life I was dating after divorce, one relationship to the next. 

19:20 - Speaker 2
You knew what you wanted and you weren't afraid to ask for it. 

19:22 - Speaker 1
Yeah, If you're just getting together with someone, also establish these acts. This is the kind of guy you are. Establish those first. That's fine as far as the FLR, that can happen a little ways down the road. But establish that. This is the kind of guy you are. 

19:42 - Speaker 2
And don't let it fall off when life gets in the way Right. 

19:46 - Speaker 1
And it will, and it's okay, but you be consistent with what you're doing, what you're not doing. 

19:53 - Speaker 2
Okay, and let me give you an example, really super fast, of not falling off, like there's certain things that we do, even when we're frustrated, irritated, pissy. I can probably only think of five times that this didn't occur. But when we go to bed at night, no matter what our mood, we're always touching and that might seem super simple or silly or whatever, but it's so important to me because then I feel like even though we're going, maybe going to bed not in the best place, we're still okay. 

20:21 - Speaker 1
Right. Like we still have that connection Right and to your point. It's simple, these are simple things, they're not difficult. 

20:29 - Speaker 2
Yeah, you don't have to overcomplicate it. 

20:30 - Speaker 1
Right Be simple about these things. 

20:32 - Speaker 2
I'm also simple, so the small things make me real happy. So well, I think as humans yeah, I think the little things get missed a lot. Yep, hopefully this was helpful. Please feel free to reach out if you have more questions. Follow up questions 100%. Whatever the case may be, and I wish you well on your female led journey. 

21:00 - Speaker 4
I hope you all have a fantastic week. Stay safe, stay healthy, be kind. Love you all. Kind Love you all.