April 13, 2025
0127 Female Led Relationships: FLR + Cuckolding = Swinging?
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Time for a little kinky math—because if you’ve ever wondered how swinging and a female-led relationship intersect (and whether that equals cuckolding), this episode is for you.
This week, I unpack the differences between swinging, FLR, and cuckolding, all through the lens of my own experience—because real-life dynamics never quite match up with the textbook definitions. We talk about boundaries, labels, communication, and why you should NEVER let anyone guilt you into a dynamic that doesn’t feel good in your gut.
Whether you're solo-curious, navigating a long-term marriage with a new kink spark, or just overwhelmed with all the “am I doing this right?” energy—pull up a seat. We're going to break it down, laugh a little, and remind ourselves that there’s no wrong way to do kink if it works for you and your partner.
And yes, I finally nailed the title on the first try. Progress.
What You'll Walk Away With:
- The difference between swinging and cuckolding in a female-led context
- Why labels can be helpful... and totally overwhelming
- How communication shapes everything in your dynamic
- What a “customized” FLR really looks like in real life
- How to ease into play with others without losing your mind
Google-Friendly Questions This Episode Answers:
- What’s the difference between swinging and cuckolding?
- Can a female-led relationship include other partners?
- What if I’m jealous but still turned on?
- Do all FLRs involve chastity or dominance?
- How do I define my own relationship dynamic?
- What does a modern cuckolding scenario loo
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Email Me! KrystineKellogg@Gmail.com
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Keywords:
domestic discipline, female led relationship dynamics, accountability, communication, people pleaser, personal growth, female led r...
Transcript
WEBVTT
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One, two, three.
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Oh, I don't know if I'm supposed to say three.
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Oops.
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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
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If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
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This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
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We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
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We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
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Welcome back, episode 27.
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Swinging plus FLR equals cuck holding.
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or does it?
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So today, we're going to do some kinky math.
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But first, housekeeping.
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I want to say thank you for all of the kind comments I have been receiving regarding the family issues we've been going through the last few weeks.
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I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
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You know who you are.
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You're awesome.
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Thank you.
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Shout out on all the feedback on Twitter for last week's episode.
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It was a question and answer session.
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And if that is something you want more of, hit me up on Twitter and let me know.
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I had a fucking blast doing it, and I would love to do those more often.
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This weekend, my strawberry bestie and I are headed on a short road trip.
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And while I wish the circumstances were much different, I am excited to have some time with her to just talk or, you know, catch up.
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Maybe we can listen to a good podcast.
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Any suggestions?
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We have eight hours of drive time one way.
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So this is going to be a hell of a trek, but I'm excited.
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Oh, the conversations we will have.
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All right.
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Short and sweet housekeeping this week.
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Let's dive into some kink math.
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And as you know, if you listened last week, and if you haven't, shame on you.
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Go listen.
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I struggled with this topic title quite a bit.
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Sometimes like I struggle with math.
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I kept wanting to add chastity to it.
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And there really isn't chastity in that title.
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Just wasn't in the mix.
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But clearly my mind in my mouth had a different idea.
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And I just love chastity.
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So the topic today is swinging plus FLR equals cuckolding.
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Or does it?
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Look at that.
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First try.
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Where was that last week?
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So let's break this down a little bit.
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What is swinging?
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This is the definition or definition, whichever.
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This is the definition in the Urban Dictionary.
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A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside the established couple.
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Swingers often engage in the activity.
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So they can't say sex.
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Anyway, as a couple.
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Let's talk about that a little bit more in depth, shall we?
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You all know how I feel about my labels.
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And this one is very much like saying you're a swinger or the label swinger is a very vast, has a very vast meaning.
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It's like saying that you're in the lifestyle.
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It could mean just about anything.
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There's so many variations of swingers.
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And just like other labels, being a swinger, take that out.
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Now, don't get me wrong.
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I understand the ease of using labels sometimes.
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It's so much easier to just say, Hey, I'm a swinger.
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If somebody asks, rather than saying, well, we play with other people, but here's our rules and our guidelines.
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And this is the only way that we do it.
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And I totally get the ease of it.
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However, when I was a newbie, I will tell you these labels fucking overwhelmed me.
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And what I mean by that is there's so many labels for everything.
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There's so many different, I don't, niche maybe isn't the right word, but there's so many fucking different avenues of swinging.
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And if you tell somebody you're a swinger, a lot of times you get a judgment immediately, depending on who you're telling.
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I just think there's a lot of judgment attached to a lot of the labels that are used in the kink community, like for the vanilla community or in my besties case, strawberry, whatever the case may be.
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I, I think when you use a label like that, there's just judgment because they don't understand.
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They don't know what being a swinger is.
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Okay.
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Let's discuss some different variations of swinging that I know about personally.
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And I will tell you the best education that I have gotten, seriously, I keep bringing this up because camping season is coming and I am itching to get in my camper and out of my clothes.
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The people that I have met at camp are so open and honest about things.
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And so nice about answering questions if I have questions and it's just fascinating to learn.
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I fucking love it.
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So here's what mostly I learned while being at camp the last couple of years for different variations of swingers.
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So if I was to classify myself and my subbie as a swinger, our relationship would be that he is not able to play.
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I can play.
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He does not have to be there while I'm playing.
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However, I prefer it.
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I want him there during any activity, just because it makes me feel comfortable.
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That maybe won't be that way forever, but that's where I'm at right now.
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There are couples that are swingers that both parties have to play.
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So the husband and wife have to play with another husband and wife or whatever variation you choose.
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Sometimes they want to be in the same room.
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Sometimes it doesn't matter if they're in the same room.
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I've met a couple where they only play with other couples and they need to be in the same room.
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And if I remember correctly, that had something to do with a safety issue.
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So don't ever let anybody make you feel bad for boundaries that you have set.
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If that is what you have set for your standard of swinging, do not back down.
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You do you.
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You have to do what makes you comfortable.
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Who wants to have sex if they're uncomfortable?
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Who wants to just even have a play session if you're uncomfortable?
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You're not going to enjoy it.
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Now, some couples, they can go play anywhere.
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The other couple doesn't even need or the other person doesn't even need to be there.
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However, for instance, I know a couple that they can play with pretty much whoever they want.
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Just a common courtesy, you let your partner know that you're going to play with somebody else.
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And that again, I think comes back to a safety issue.
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You want to know where your partner is and what's going on and just be checking in so that they know you're OK.
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And any type of swinging relationship requires good communication.
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You have to have good communication because once you bring a third person into your relationship or a fourth or whatever the case may be, you can't really ever take that back.
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And sometimes it can cause a real divide.
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So again, communication is key.
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Now, my subbie and I, I said that he isn't allowed to play.
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However, that's not necessarily true because if I was playing with another man, I would, I mean, it would be my discretion.
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I get to choose if he gets to join or not.
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But I would let him if I chose him.
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So basically, I'm a jealous woman and I don't want, God, I just can't imagine seeing him with another woman.
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It may not always be that way as I grow and evolve, which is my goal every day.
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But as of right now, I don't want to see him with another woman, but I don't, I think it's fucking hot with another man.
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So that's just our preference.
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That's where we're at right now.
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Um, Ooh, there's my other favorite word.
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Um, so see, um, so basically swinging is playing with other people or bringing other people into our relationship.
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Easiest definition.
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Just make sure your communication is open.
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You set your boundaries, whatever you're happy with and what makes you happy in a play session.
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As long as you have your boundaries, fuck everybody else.
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Do what makes you happy.
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Obviously consent is a huge part of that.
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Okay.
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I'm rambling.
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Sorry.
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Time to move on.
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Female led relationship or FLR.
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Here's the Urban Dictionary definition.
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Urban dictionary defines this as a model for romantic heterosexual fucking hate that word relationship in which both parties agree that the woman will act as the leader and ultimate authority.
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If the participants are married, the arrangement may be termed female led marriage, FLM or wife led marriage, WLM.
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That whole definition, I shouldn't say the whole definition, but the beginning of that definition, it fucking irritates me.
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And I don't know why, I mean, I know why, but why the fuck does heterosexual have to be put in there?
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I don't understand that two women could be in a relationship and the, and be in a female led relationship.
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Why does it have to be heterosexual?
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Why can't it just be a model for a romantic relationship in which both parties agree that one person will be the leader and ultimate authority?
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Now, don't get me wrong.
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I understand that it's a female led relationship, but I don't know.
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That word heterosexual just really triggered a pissed off reaction in me.
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I don't think it needs to be there.
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Just my opinion.
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I feel like most of you listening know what a female led relationship is, but if you are new here, let me give you a quick summary about mine.
00:12:06.419 --> 00:12:09.659
And if you aren't new here, let the repetition begin.
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My subbie and I have been married for just over four years, been together almost seven.
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He introduced me to pretty much everything kink, other than, you know, my little fourth grade ball kicking, but you'll have to listen to other episodes if you don't know about that.
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I am a small town girl born and bred.
00:12:32.500 --> 00:12:37.419
I was a little put off by the lifestyle at first, but adjusted quite nicely.
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Like every relationship, we had our bumps in the road.
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Um, you always have little obstacles here and there, but I can honestly say I have never, ever felt more loved by anyone in my life.
00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:02.000
And I truly believe that my husband is my soulmate.
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Also, the level of communication in our relationship is fucking mind blowing.
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It is better than any other relationship I have ever been in ever.
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So yes, my famous line, communication is key.
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So that's a little bit about my female led relationship.
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Female led relationships can have wide varieties of how they work.
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It's very custom to the couple.
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You have to decide what works best for you.
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Do you want to be full on in control?
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Like I did an episode where there was one couple, the wife had a power of attorney, had control of all the money.
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All of the assets were in her name, everything.
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I mean, she literally was in control of everything.
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Perfect.
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If that works for you, perfect.
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Run with it.
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If that's not the type of dynamic that you're looking for, I think, I think people get a little overwhelmed when they hear about a female led relationship.
00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:11.460
And my other key phrase, it's all about your perspective.
00:14:11.940 --> 00:14:15.799
Your relationship can be whatever you want it to be.
00:14:16.200 --> 00:14:28.820
And you have to look at it as so maybe your submissive does control the money, but he controls that money because you have given him that job.
00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:31.379
So basically, you're still in control.
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You have told him that you want him to handle that.
00:14:35.220 --> 00:14:39.000
So you're still the dominant party.
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You're just designating tasks to him.
00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:44.399
You don't have to be in control of everything.
00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:45.919
You can delegate.
00:14:47.159 --> 00:14:48.220
It's perfect.
00:14:48.679 --> 00:14:49.419
It's a win-win.
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You have to decide what's best for you and your submissive.
00:14:53.399 --> 00:14:54.019
End of story.
00:14:55.299 --> 00:15:05.399
So that's kind of an outline of, or kind of talks about, I mean, FLRs are very, and here's that word again, niche.
00:15:05.799 --> 00:15:08.299
I mean, you have to figure out what works best for you.
00:15:08.379 --> 00:15:10.840
They're very individualized in my opinion.
00:15:16.909 --> 00:15:19.009
So let's talk about cuckolding.
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Urban dictionary definition.
00:15:21.809 --> 00:15:25.629
When a man watches his wife or girlfriend have sex with another man.
00:15:27.129 --> 00:15:29.750
So would this not be another variation of swinging?
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Kind of.
00:15:32.730 --> 00:15:45.289
When I think of cuckolding, I think of my subbie having less than average male genitalia, little weenie, and me wanting more than what he has to offer.
00:15:45.830 --> 00:15:50.110
When I think of swinging, I think of sex for fun with other people.
00:15:50.950 --> 00:15:54.210
Again, it's all about perspective, but it's true.
00:15:54.210 --> 00:16:06.970
When I think of cuckolding, I think of my subbie completely naked in a cock cage and watching me get fucked by a real man the way he can't.
00:16:07.750 --> 00:16:26.389
When I think of swinging, I think of, I mean, honestly, I think of all of, I think of my husband and I both playing with another couple, which, I mean, if it was another couple that was both men, that's entirely possible for my preference, just as we discussed.
00:16:28.149 --> 00:16:33.009
So to come full circle, swinging plus FLR equals cuckolding.
00:16:35.009 --> 00:16:36.409
Kind of, maybe.
00:16:37.049 --> 00:16:38.889
I don't know if there's a real definite answer.
00:16:39.149 --> 00:16:42.090
I think you have to make your own assessment much better.
00:16:42.870 --> 00:16:50.649
I would say no, because when I think of cuckolding, I think of an entirely different scenario, environment.
00:16:52.049 --> 00:16:55.529
Honestly, humiliation comes to mind immediately for me.
00:16:55.730 --> 00:17:01.710
I associate cuckolding with humiliating my subbie, which we enjoy.
00:17:03.129 --> 00:17:06.230
That could be different for, I mean, that could be different for you.
00:17:06.309 --> 00:17:07.990
That could be different for whoever.
00:17:09.450 --> 00:17:21.690
I think you just have to really, honestly, it comes down to you doing what makes you happy, what makes your partner happy, what makes you have a healthy relationship that you're both enjoying.
00:17:27.390 --> 00:17:31.849
At the end of the day, it's about you and your partner and what you enjoy.
00:17:31.990 --> 00:17:34.650
And don't ever fucking let anybody make you feel bad about it.
00:17:35.089 --> 00:17:37.890
I will say, back to the labels thing a little bit.
00:17:38.470 --> 00:17:43.009
When I first started, I was fucking overwhelmed as hell with all those labels.
00:17:43.450 --> 00:17:48.069
Like, I felt like I had to check off all these boxes to even use that label for myself.
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I don't think that's right.
00:17:50.430 --> 00:17:53.269
If you want to label yourself as something, do it.
00:17:53.390 --> 00:17:56.069
You can have subcategories to that label if you want.
00:17:56.289 --> 00:18:00.289
If you, for instance, I participate in cuckolding.
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I want my subbie there.
00:18:02.109 --> 00:18:04.450
I want him to participate if I so choose.
00:18:04.890 --> 00:18:09.730
Maybe somebody else who does cuckolding doesn't do it that way, but they still do cuckolding.
00:18:09.869 --> 00:18:11.710
They still participate in cuckolding.
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I think really the labels are there for the ease of explaining it to somebody should they ask about it.
00:18:20.009 --> 00:18:28.549
Or for the interest of this podcast, it makes it a little bit easier for me to kind of explain what I'm talking about because I have these names or these labels.
00:18:29.150 --> 00:18:37.130
I just want people who are new to this or just entering into the kink lifestyle to know anybody can do this.
00:18:37.589 --> 00:18:38.990
It can be any variation.
00:18:39.369 --> 00:18:45.210
It doesn't have to be whips and chains all the fucking time unless that's what you're into and that's what you want.
00:18:46.150 --> 00:18:49.369
You determine what you want to do with your kink.
00:18:49.589 --> 00:18:52.450
You determine how you want to practice kink.
00:18:52.710 --> 00:18:54.809
You determine how you want to be in the lifestyle.
00:18:55.589 --> 00:18:57.650
There's people that are at our campground.
00:18:57.829 --> 00:19:00.369
It's a lifestyle clothing optional campground.
00:19:00.910 --> 00:19:04.029
There's people that come there simply because they like to be naked.
00:19:05.069 --> 00:19:05.470
Perfect.
00:19:05.930 --> 00:19:06.650
I love it.
00:19:07.329 --> 00:19:12.170
There's people that are there that come there specifically because they want to swing.
00:19:12.430 --> 00:19:16.049
They're interested in swapping partners or whatever the case may be.
00:19:16.369 --> 00:19:16.690
Perfect.
00:19:17.809 --> 00:19:22.789
You just have to have an open mind and you have to know what you want.
00:19:24.369 --> 00:19:27.809
Don't be afraid to explore different things.
00:19:28.670 --> 00:19:29.829
I know better than anyone.
00:19:30.069 --> 00:19:42.769
It can be very scary and your first time doing anything with another person that is not your partner can be very overwhelming and make you extremely anxious.
00:19:43.630 --> 00:19:48.190
But one thing I have learned and again this is different for everybody.
00:19:48.710 --> 00:19:51.670
I have no emotional attachment to anybody that I play with.
00:19:52.789 --> 00:19:56.730
Essentially they are a human vibrator for me or a human toy.
00:19:57.289 --> 00:19:59.269
Instead of having batteries they have a heartbeat.
00:20:01.309 --> 00:20:17.990
That might be demeaning and that might not be the way that everybody looks at it but for me personally I have to take the emotion out of it or I would never be interested in playing because I love my subbie and all of my emotion is attached to him.
00:20:18.609 --> 00:20:21.930
But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex with somebody else.
00:20:22.930 --> 00:20:25.630
Sometimes getting over that hump is a little bit hard.
00:20:26.950 --> 00:20:28.190
That was kind of punny.
00:20:29.109 --> 00:20:32.230
Getting over the hump is hard for the hundredth time.
00:20:32.710 --> 00:20:33.609
Do what makes you happy.
00:20:34.210 --> 00:20:37.369
And my rambling session needs to end because I need to get on the road.
00:20:38.069 --> 00:20:44.930
But I appreciate everybody who has hung in there with me through these last few weeks that have just been a hot mess.
00:20:45.130 --> 00:20:58.690
I keep saying it but I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys taking the time out of your day to listen to my podcast and then on top of that taking time out of your day to give me feedback or tell me that I've helped.
00:20:59.109 --> 00:21:00.650
It just makes my heart happy.
00:21:01.329 --> 00:21:09.009
I'm so glad you are all here and I hope you all have a fan-fucking-tastic week and I love you all.
00:21:09.930 --> 00:21:10.990
Talk to you next week.
00:00:01.669 --> 00:00:03.689
One, two, three.
00:00:04.349 --> 00:00:05.809
Oh, I don't know if I'm supposed to say three.
00:00:06.250 --> 00:00:06.509
Oops.
00:00:10.689 --> 00:00:14.089
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:14.449 --> 00:00:22.190
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:22.829 --> 00:00:24.989
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:25.469 --> 00:00:28.329
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:28.859 --> 00:00:34.750
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:37.130 --> 00:00:46.689
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:00:46.909 --> 00:00:51.670
Welcome back, episode 27.
00:00:53.049 --> 00:00:56.549
Swinging plus FLR equals cuck holding.
00:00:56.549 --> 00:00:58.170
or does it?
00:00:58.829 --> 00:01:01.869
So today, we're going to do some kinky math.
00:01:02.609 --> 00:01:05.849
But first, housekeeping.
00:01:17.030 --> 00:01:26.890
I want to say thank you for all of the kind comments I have been receiving regarding the family issues we've been going through the last few weeks.
00:01:27.250 --> 00:01:30.530
I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
00:01:30.870 --> 00:01:31.810
You know who you are.
00:01:32.250 --> 00:01:32.769
You're awesome.
00:01:33.409 --> 00:01:33.950
Thank you.
00:01:34.689 --> 00:01:39.430
Shout out on all the feedback on Twitter for last week's episode.
00:01:39.890 --> 00:01:42.510
It was a question and answer session.
00:01:42.870 --> 00:01:48.969
And if that is something you want more of, hit me up on Twitter and let me know.
00:01:49.310 --> 00:01:53.510
I had a fucking blast doing it, and I would love to do those more often.
00:01:55.129 --> 00:01:59.250
This weekend, my strawberry bestie and I are headed on a short road trip.
00:02:00.030 --> 00:02:12.009
And while I wish the circumstances were much different, I am excited to have some time with her to just talk or, you know, catch up.
00:02:13.030 --> 00:02:15.949
Maybe we can listen to a good podcast.
00:02:16.449 --> 00:02:17.349
Any suggestions?
00:02:18.770 --> 00:02:22.250
We have eight hours of drive time one way.
00:02:23.150 --> 00:02:26.349
So this is going to be a hell of a trek, but I'm excited.
00:02:28.229 --> 00:02:30.990
Oh, the conversations we will have.
00:02:31.870 --> 00:02:32.250
All right.
00:02:32.849 --> 00:02:34.650
Short and sweet housekeeping this week.
00:02:35.069 --> 00:02:37.550
Let's dive into some kink math.
00:02:43.099 --> 00:02:47.400
And as you know, if you listened last week, and if you haven't, shame on you.
00:02:47.719 --> 00:02:48.300
Go listen.
00:02:49.620 --> 00:02:52.500
I struggled with this topic title quite a bit.
00:02:53.580 --> 00:02:55.719
Sometimes like I struggle with math.
00:02:56.740 --> 00:02:59.300
I kept wanting to add chastity to it.
00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:03.560
And there really isn't chastity in that title.
00:03:04.060 --> 00:03:05.300
Just wasn't in the mix.
00:03:05.400 --> 00:03:08.699
But clearly my mind in my mouth had a different idea.
00:03:09.719 --> 00:03:11.479
And I just love chastity.
00:03:12.780 --> 00:03:20.319
So the topic today is swinging plus FLR equals cuckolding.
00:03:20.639 --> 00:03:21.300
Or does it?
00:03:21.419 --> 00:03:21.939
Look at that.
00:03:22.060 --> 00:03:22.560
First try.
00:03:23.219 --> 00:03:24.360
Where was that last week?
00:03:25.300 --> 00:03:27.319
So let's break this down a little bit.
00:03:33.439 --> 00:03:34.560
What is swinging?
00:03:35.259 --> 00:03:39.840
This is the definition or definition, whichever.
00:03:40.419 --> 00:03:43.240
This is the definition in the Urban Dictionary.
00:03:44.419 --> 00:03:51.139
A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside the established couple.
00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:54.319
Swingers often engage in the activity.
00:03:55.379 --> 00:03:57.479
So they can't say sex.
00:03:57.900 --> 00:03:59.639
Anyway, as a couple.
00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:04.259
Let's talk about that a little bit more in depth, shall we?
00:04:05.319 --> 00:04:08.000
You all know how I feel about my labels.
00:04:09.900 --> 00:04:22.040
And this one is very much like saying you're a swinger or the label swinger is a very vast, has a very vast meaning.
00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:25.579
It's like saying that you're in the lifestyle.
00:04:26.660 --> 00:04:28.459
It could mean just about anything.
00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:31.319
There's so many variations of swingers.
00:04:31.699 --> 00:04:37.779
And just like other labels, being a swinger, take that out.
00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:41.579
Now, don't get me wrong.
00:04:41.899 --> 00:04:44.600
I understand the ease of using labels sometimes.
00:04:44.980 --> 00:04:47.660
It's so much easier to just say, Hey, I'm a swinger.
00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:54.839
If somebody asks, rather than saying, well, we play with other people, but here's our rules and our guidelines.
00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:56.800
And this is the only way that we do it.
00:04:56.839 --> 00:04:59.180
And I totally get the ease of it.
00:04:59.740 --> 00:05:08.199
However, when I was a newbie, I will tell you these labels fucking overwhelmed me.
00:05:09.220 --> 00:05:13.480
And what I mean by that is there's so many labels for everything.
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:23.279
There's so many different, I don't, niche maybe isn't the right word, but there's so many fucking different avenues of swinging.
00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:31.240
And if you tell somebody you're a swinger, a lot of times you get a judgment immediately, depending on who you're telling.
00:05:32.060 --> 00:05:44.540
I just think there's a lot of judgment attached to a lot of the labels that are used in the kink community, like for the vanilla community or in my besties case, strawberry, whatever the case may be.
00:05:45.939 --> 00:05:51.259
I, I think when you use a label like that, there's just judgment because they don't understand.
00:05:51.459 --> 00:05:55.040
They don't know what being a swinger is.
00:05:56.160 --> 00:05:56.639
Okay.
00:05:57.560 --> 00:06:02.120
Let's discuss some different variations of swinging that I know about personally.
00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:12.259
And I will tell you the best education that I have gotten, seriously, I keep bringing this up because camping season is coming and I am itching to get in my camper and out of my clothes.
00:06:13.660 --> 00:06:20.399
The people that I have met at camp are so open and honest about things.
00:06:20.579 --> 00:06:25.319
And so nice about answering questions if I have questions and it's just fascinating to learn.
00:06:25.980 --> 00:06:27.300
I fucking love it.
00:06:28.439 --> 00:06:35.959
So here's what mostly I learned while being at camp the last couple of years for different variations of swingers.
00:06:36.980 --> 00:06:48.519
So if I was to classify myself and my subbie as a swinger, our relationship would be that he is not able to play.
00:06:48.860 --> 00:06:49.800
I can play.
00:06:50.180 --> 00:06:54.459
He does not have to be there while I'm playing.
00:06:54.759 --> 00:06:56.899
However, I prefer it.
00:06:57.120 --> 00:07:02.360
I want him there during any activity, just because it makes me feel comfortable.
00:07:03.220 --> 00:07:06.740
That maybe won't be that way forever, but that's where I'm at right now.
00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:14.259
There are couples that are swingers that both parties have to play.
00:07:14.519 --> 00:07:21.220
So the husband and wife have to play with another husband and wife or whatever variation you choose.
00:07:21.860 --> 00:07:25.120
Sometimes they want to be in the same room.
00:07:25.420 --> 00:07:27.759
Sometimes it doesn't matter if they're in the same room.
00:07:28.579 --> 00:07:34.180
I've met a couple where they only play with other couples and they need to be in the same room.
00:07:34.759 --> 00:07:37.920
And if I remember correctly, that had something to do with a safety issue.
00:07:38.540 --> 00:07:43.000
So don't ever let anybody make you feel bad for boundaries that you have set.
00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:48.019
If that is what you have set for your standard of swinging, do not back down.
00:07:48.259 --> 00:07:49.019
You do you.
00:07:49.579 --> 00:07:51.040
You have to do what makes you comfortable.
00:07:51.180 --> 00:07:52.639
Who wants to have sex if they're uncomfortable?
00:07:52.879 --> 00:07:55.579
Who wants to just even have a play session if you're uncomfortable?
00:07:55.579 --> 00:07:57.199
You're not going to enjoy it.
00:07:59.569 --> 00:08:03.949
Now, some couples, they can go play anywhere.
00:08:04.089 --> 00:08:08.310
The other couple doesn't even need or the other person doesn't even need to be there.
00:08:11.589 --> 00:08:17.029
However, for instance, I know a couple that they can play with pretty much whoever they want.
00:08:17.230 --> 00:08:23.069
Just a common courtesy, you let your partner know that you're going to play with somebody else.
00:08:23.350 --> 00:08:25.949
And that again, I think comes back to a safety issue.
00:08:26.370 --> 00:08:32.070
You want to know where your partner is and what's going on and just be checking in so that they know you're OK.
00:08:33.970 --> 00:08:38.288
And any type of swinging relationship requires good communication.
00:08:39.149 --> 00:08:49.330
You have to have good communication because once you bring a third person into your relationship or a fourth or whatever the case may be, you can't really ever take that back.
00:08:49.450 --> 00:08:51.889
And sometimes it can cause a real divide.
00:08:52.889 --> 00:08:54.909
So again, communication is key.
00:08:56.350 --> 00:09:02.070
Now, my subbie and I, I said that he isn't allowed to play.
00:09:02.370 --> 00:09:12.809
However, that's not necessarily true because if I was playing with another man, I would, I mean, it would be my discretion.
00:09:13.009 --> 00:09:15.210
I get to choose if he gets to join or not.
00:09:17.490 --> 00:09:19.529
But I would let him if I chose him.
00:09:19.730 --> 00:09:27.169
So basically, I'm a jealous woman and I don't want, God, I just can't imagine seeing him with another woman.
00:09:27.350 --> 00:09:33.330
It may not always be that way as I grow and evolve, which is my goal every day.
00:09:34.149 --> 00:09:40.809
But as of right now, I don't want to see him with another woman, but I don't, I think it's fucking hot with another man.
00:09:41.090 --> 00:09:42.590
So that's just our preference.
00:09:42.789 --> 00:09:44.450
That's where we're at right now.
00:09:45.070 --> 00:09:47.809
Um, Ooh, there's my other favorite word.
00:09:48.350 --> 00:10:01.330
Um, so see, um, so basically swinging is playing with other people or bringing other people into our relationship.
00:10:03.649 --> 00:10:04.850
Easiest definition.
00:10:05.470 --> 00:10:07.769
Just make sure your communication is open.
00:10:07.970 --> 00:10:12.970
You set your boundaries, whatever you're happy with and what makes you happy in a play session.
00:10:13.350 --> 00:10:16.490
As long as you have your boundaries, fuck everybody else.
00:10:16.590 --> 00:10:17.549
Do what makes you happy.
00:10:18.769 --> 00:10:20.889
Obviously consent is a huge part of that.
00:10:22.309 --> 00:10:22.809
Okay.
00:10:23.049 --> 00:10:23.649
I'm rambling.
00:10:24.070 --> 00:10:24.309
Sorry.
00:10:24.730 --> 00:10:25.490
Time to move on.
00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:33.879
Female led relationship or FLR.
00:10:34.860 --> 00:10:37.779
Here's the Urban Dictionary definition.
00:10:38.940 --> 00:10:54.080
Urban dictionary defines this as a model for romantic heterosexual fucking hate that word relationship in which both parties agree that the woman will act as the leader and ultimate authority.
00:10:55.200 --> 00:11:04.039
If the participants are married, the arrangement may be termed female led marriage, FLM or wife led marriage, WLM.
00:11:05.820 --> 00:11:13.320
That whole definition, I shouldn't say the whole definition, but the beginning of that definition, it fucking irritates me.
00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:19.100
And I don't know why, I mean, I know why, but why the fuck does heterosexual have to be put in there?
00:11:19.740 --> 00:11:26.740
I don't understand that two women could be in a relationship and the, and be in a female led relationship.
00:11:26.860 --> 00:11:28.200
Why does it have to be heterosexual?
00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:38.539
Why can't it just be a model for a romantic relationship in which both parties agree that one person will be the leader and ultimate authority?
00:11:38.919 --> 00:11:40.120
Now, don't get me wrong.
00:11:40.220 --> 00:11:45.860
I understand that it's a female led relationship, but I don't know.
00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:50.100
That word heterosexual just really triggered a pissed off reaction in me.
00:11:52.299 --> 00:11:53.840
I don't think it needs to be there.
00:11:54.059 --> 00:11:54.840
Just my opinion.
00:11:56.000 --> 00:12:05.179
I feel like most of you listening know what a female led relationship is, but if you are new here, let me give you a quick summary about mine.
00:12:06.419 --> 00:12:09.659
And if you aren't new here, let the repetition begin.
00:12:10.940 --> 00:12:16.539
My subbie and I have been married for just over four years, been together almost seven.
00:12:18.340 --> 00:12:28.580
He introduced me to pretty much everything kink, other than, you know, my little fourth grade ball kicking, but you'll have to listen to other episodes if you don't know about that.
00:12:29.759 --> 00:12:31.639
I am a small town girl born and bred.
00:12:32.500 --> 00:12:37.419
I was a little put off by the lifestyle at first, but adjusted quite nicely.
00:12:41.500 --> 00:12:46.240
Like every relationship, we had our bumps in the road.
00:12:46.929 --> 00:12:58.539
Um, you always have little obstacles here and there, but I can honestly say I have never, ever felt more loved by anyone in my life.
00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:02.000
And I truly believe that my husband is my soulmate.
00:13:02.799 --> 00:13:09.700
Also, the level of communication in our relationship is fucking mind blowing.
00:13:09.980 --> 00:13:15.100
It is better than any other relationship I have ever been in ever.
00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:21.379
So yes, my famous line, communication is key.
00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:24.840
So that's a little bit about my female led relationship.
00:13:25.340 --> 00:13:30.200
Female led relationships can have wide varieties of how they work.
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:32.659
It's very custom to the couple.
00:13:33.659 --> 00:13:35.919
You have to decide what works best for you.
00:13:36.200 --> 00:13:38.200
Do you want to be full on in control?
00:13:38.740 --> 00:13:46.179
Like I did an episode where there was one couple, the wife had a power of attorney, had control of all the money.
00:13:46.539 --> 00:13:49.740
All of the assets were in her name, everything.
00:13:50.059 --> 00:13:53.299
I mean, she literally was in control of everything.
00:13:54.519 --> 00:13:55.080
Perfect.
00:13:55.299 --> 00:13:57.299
If that works for you, perfect.
00:13:57.799 --> 00:13:58.679
Run with it.
00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:07.519
If that's not the type of dynamic that you're looking for, I think, I think people get a little overwhelmed when they hear about a female led relationship.
00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:11.460
And my other key phrase, it's all about your perspective.
00:14:11.940 --> 00:14:15.799
Your relationship can be whatever you want it to be.
00:14:16.200 --> 00:14:28.820
And you have to look at it as so maybe your submissive does control the money, but he controls that money because you have given him that job.
00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:31.379
So basically, you're still in control.
00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:34.580
You have told him that you want him to handle that.
00:14:35.220 --> 00:14:39.000
So you're still the dominant party.
00:14:39.200 --> 00:14:41.720
You're just designating tasks to him.
00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:44.399
You don't have to be in control of everything.
00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:45.919
You can delegate.
00:14:47.159 --> 00:14:48.220
It's perfect.
00:14:48.679 --> 00:14:49.419
It's a win-win.
00:14:50.059 --> 00:14:53.220
You have to decide what's best for you and your submissive.
00:14:53.399 --> 00:14:54.019
End of story.
00:14:55.299 --> 00:15:05.399
So that's kind of an outline of, or kind of talks about, I mean, FLRs are very, and here's that word again, niche.
00:15:05.799 --> 00:15:08.299
I mean, you have to figure out what works best for you.
00:15:08.379 --> 00:15:10.840
They're very individualized in my opinion.
00:15:16.909 --> 00:15:19.009
So let's talk about cuckolding.
00:15:19.629 --> 00:15:21.029
Urban dictionary definition.
00:15:21.809 --> 00:15:25.629
When a man watches his wife or girlfriend have sex with another man.
00:15:27.129 --> 00:15:29.750
So would this not be another variation of swinging?
00:15:30.850 --> 00:15:31.629
Kind of.
00:15:32.730 --> 00:15:45.289
When I think of cuckolding, I think of my subbie having less than average male genitalia, little weenie, and me wanting more than what he has to offer.
00:15:45.830 --> 00:15:50.110
When I think of swinging, I think of sex for fun with other people.
00:15:50.950 --> 00:15:54.210
Again, it's all about perspective, but it's true.
00:15:54.210 --> 00:16:06.970
When I think of cuckolding, I think of my subbie completely naked in a cock cage and watching me get fucked by a real man the way he can't.
00:16:07.750 --> 00:16:26.389
When I think of swinging, I think of, I mean, honestly, I think of all of, I think of my husband and I both playing with another couple, which, I mean, if it was another couple that was both men, that's entirely possible for my preference, just as we discussed.
00:16:28.149 --> 00:16:33.009
So to come full circle, swinging plus FLR equals cuckolding.
00:16:35.009 --> 00:16:36.409
Kind of, maybe.
00:16:37.049 --> 00:16:38.889
I don't know if there's a real definite answer.
00:16:39.149 --> 00:16:42.090
I think you have to make your own assessment much better.
00:16:42.870 --> 00:16:50.649
I would say no, because when I think of cuckolding, I think of an entirely different scenario, environment.
00:16:52.049 --> 00:16:55.529
Honestly, humiliation comes to mind immediately for me.
00:16:55.730 --> 00:17:01.710
I associate cuckolding with humiliating my subbie, which we enjoy.
00:17:03.129 --> 00:17:06.230
That could be different for, I mean, that could be different for you.
00:17:06.309 --> 00:17:07.990
That could be different for whoever.
00:17:09.450 --> 00:17:21.690
I think you just have to really, honestly, it comes down to you doing what makes you happy, what makes your partner happy, what makes you have a healthy relationship that you're both enjoying.
00:17:27.390 --> 00:17:31.849
At the end of the day, it's about you and your partner and what you enjoy.
00:17:31.990 --> 00:17:34.650
And don't ever fucking let anybody make you feel bad about it.
00:17:35.089 --> 00:17:37.890
I will say, back to the labels thing a little bit.
00:17:38.470 --> 00:17:43.009
When I first started, I was fucking overwhelmed as hell with all those labels.
00:17:43.450 --> 00:17:48.069
Like, I felt like I had to check off all these boxes to even use that label for myself.
00:17:48.650 --> 00:17:50.109
I don't think that's right.
00:17:50.430 --> 00:17:53.269
If you want to label yourself as something, do it.
00:17:53.390 --> 00:17:56.069
You can have subcategories to that label if you want.
00:17:56.289 --> 00:18:00.289
If you, for instance, I participate in cuckolding.
00:18:00.490 --> 00:18:01.769
I want my subbie there.
00:18:02.109 --> 00:18:04.450
I want him to participate if I so choose.
00:18:04.890 --> 00:18:09.730
Maybe somebody else who does cuckolding doesn't do it that way, but they still do cuckolding.
00:18:09.869 --> 00:18:11.710
They still participate in cuckolding.
00:18:12.509 --> 00:18:19.930
I think really the labels are there for the ease of explaining it to somebody should they ask about it.
00:18:20.009 --> 00:18:28.549
Or for the interest of this podcast, it makes it a little bit easier for me to kind of explain what I'm talking about because I have these names or these labels.
00:18:29.150 --> 00:18:37.130
I just want people who are new to this or just entering into the kink lifestyle to know anybody can do this.
00:18:37.589 --> 00:18:38.990
It can be any variation.
00:18:39.369 --> 00:18:45.210
It doesn't have to be whips and chains all the fucking time unless that's what you're into and that's what you want.
00:18:46.150 --> 00:18:49.369
You determine what you want to do with your kink.
00:18:49.589 --> 00:18:52.450
You determine how you want to practice kink.
00:18:52.710 --> 00:18:54.809
You determine how you want to be in the lifestyle.
00:18:55.589 --> 00:18:57.650
There's people that are at our campground.
00:18:57.829 --> 00:19:00.369
It's a lifestyle clothing optional campground.
00:19:00.910 --> 00:19:04.029
There's people that come there simply because they like to be naked.
00:19:05.069 --> 00:19:05.470
Perfect.
00:19:05.930 --> 00:19:06.650
I love it.
00:19:07.329 --> 00:19:12.170
There's people that are there that come there specifically because they want to swing.
00:19:12.430 --> 00:19:16.049
They're interested in swapping partners or whatever the case may be.
00:19:16.369 --> 00:19:16.690
Perfect.
00:19:17.809 --> 00:19:22.789
You just have to have an open mind and you have to know what you want.
00:19:24.369 --> 00:19:27.809
Don't be afraid to explore different things.
00:19:28.670 --> 00:19:29.829
I know better than anyone.
00:19:30.069 --> 00:19:42.769
It can be very scary and your first time doing anything with another person that is not your partner can be very overwhelming and make you extremely anxious.
00:19:43.630 --> 00:19:48.190
But one thing I have learned and again this is different for everybody.
00:19:48.710 --> 00:19:51.670
I have no emotional attachment to anybody that I play with.
00:19:52.789 --> 00:19:56.730
Essentially they are a human vibrator for me or a human toy.
00:19:57.289 --> 00:19:59.269
Instead of having batteries they have a heartbeat.
00:20:01.309 --> 00:20:17.990
That might be demeaning and that might not be the way that everybody looks at it but for me personally I have to take the emotion out of it or I would never be interested in playing because I love my subbie and all of my emotion is attached to him.
00:20:18.609 --> 00:20:21.930
But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex with somebody else.
00:20:22.930 --> 00:20:25.630
Sometimes getting over that hump is a little bit hard.
00:20:26.950 --> 00:20:28.190
That was kind of punny.
00:20:29.109 --> 00:20:32.230
Getting over the hump is hard for the hundredth time.
00:20:32.710 --> 00:20:33.609
Do what makes you happy.
00:20:34.210 --> 00:20:37.369
And my rambling session needs to end because I need to get on the road.
00:20:38.069 --> 00:20:44.930
But I appreciate everybody who has hung in there with me through these last few weeks that have just been a hot mess.
00:20:45.130 --> 00:20:58.690
I keep saying it but I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys taking the time out of your day to listen to my podcast and then on top of that taking time out of your day to give me feedback or tell me that I've helped.
00:20:59.109 --> 00:21:00.650
It just makes my heart happy.
00:21:01.329 --> 00:21:09.009
I'm so glad you are all here and I hope you all have a fan-fucking-tastic week and I love you all.
00:21:09.930 --> 00:21:10.990
Talk to you next week.
