April 3, 2025
0125 Female Led Relationships: How Spanking Can Be Therapeutic in Power Exchange Dynamics
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Let’s talk about spanking—again. But this time, I’m coming at it from a totally new angle that honestly blew my mind a little.
In this episode, I’m digging into the idea of spanking as therapy (yes, you read that right). A recent conversation with my camp bestie got me thinking, and then I stumbled across a 2020 article that laid it all out—turns out, spanking can do a hell of a lot more than just sting. It can actually help you reconnect, release stress, and even heal. 💥
I also share some raw thoughts about using spanking as punishment vs. pleasure, how I’m navigating this dynamic in a full house with kids and zero bedroom door (seriously, send help), and why I’m learning to embrace these moments as something deeper than just kink. There’s some personal stuff in here too—coaching updates, self-doubt spirals, and the reminder that I’m learning right along with you.
Whether you’re new to FLR or trying to evolve your play with purpose, this one’s all about perspective—and maybe a sore butt. 😉
💡 What You'll Walk Away With:
- Why spanking isn’t always about punishment or sex—it can be emotional release
- The difference between play, discipline, and therapy in your FLR
- How to physically and emotionally prepare for a spanking session (hint: warm up first!)
- Tips for rhythm, positioning, and aftercare that actually matter
- Real talk about emotional weight, childhood conditioning, and reclaiming power in intimacy
❓ Questions This Episode Helps Answer:
- Can spanking actually be therapeutic?
- What’s the difference between pleasure and punishment in kink?
- How do I introduce spanking to
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Keywords:
domestic discipline, female led relationship dynamics, accountability, communication, people pleaser, personal growth, female led relationship challenges, discipline strategies, humor in relationships, shared growth, female led relationship advice, discipline and play, understanding in partnerships, personal anecdotes, physical touch, relationship rules, partnership growth, podcast insights, female-led relationships, submissive rewards, holiday appreciation, partner devotion, relationship dynamics,, control and appreciation, partner confidence, submissive devotion, unique dynamics, balance of control, partner nurturing, relationship empowerment, submissive strength.pegging, female...
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:04.669 --> 00:00:08.070
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:08.490 --> 00:00:16.170
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:16.750 --> 00:00:18.989
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:19.449 --> 00:00:22.329
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:22.989 --> 00:00:28.469
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:41.789 --> 00:00:42.990
Welcome back.
00:00:44.549 --> 00:00:45.750
Episode 25.
00:00:47.630 --> 00:00:54.789
And if you're watching this on YouTube, please ignore the ring light glare in my glasses, but I can't see shit these days.
00:00:56.609 --> 00:01:06.569
This week, we are going to talk about spankings, play, or punishment, or both.
00:01:07.670 --> 00:01:11.329
But first, let's talk about some housekeeping.
00:01:22.459 --> 00:01:30.640
I've had a few coaching clients so far, and this week one ended the coaching service with me due to family issues.
00:01:32.180 --> 00:01:42.739
However, I did get some fantastic feedback and I was told that talking to me really opened the lines of communication in their marriage.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:53.719
The client did not get the results they were looking for from their spouse, but was satisfied with the fact that their lines of communication had opened up.
00:01:54.579 --> 00:01:57.659
I greatly appreciate feedback.
00:01:58.439 --> 00:01:59.719
Of all sorts.
00:02:00.480 --> 00:02:07.879
Obviously, I don't care for the negative, but if it is something that will help me be better at what I'm doing, I wanna hear it.
00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:11.500
If it's you telling me I have two chins, fuck off, I'm aware.
00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:20.060
But I seriously, I love the feedback that I get, and this feedback specifically really made me happy.
00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:31.860
Even though the goal was not reached in the end, my client was satisfied with the lines of communication and feels like it might be a possibility down the road.
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:48.500
This lifestyle isn't for everybody, but I think there's different areas of it that you can absolutely work into your relationship to give you some fulfillment in that goal, even though it's not the full-on goal you wanted to reach.
00:02:50.060 --> 00:02:52.520
But you have to work as a team with your partner.
00:02:53.580 --> 00:02:54.860
That's the biggest thing.
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And open communication is one of the best ways to work as a team.
00:02:59.860 --> 00:03:05.599
On the family note, last week was turned a little upside down for me and my husband.
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I wasn't able to post on any of my social media.
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It was just a rough week.
00:03:12.979 --> 00:03:18.240
And I'm just asking for some grace from my followers because this is a whole new journey for me.
00:03:18.620 --> 00:03:26.840
And I know I keep saying that, but this doubt just creeps into my brain space sometimes.
00:03:27.280 --> 00:03:34.580
And I love what I do, but sometimes my self-esteem isn't the greatest and I second-guess everything.
00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:39.479
And I try not to let it affect me, but sometimes it just creeps in.
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I am not perfect, not even close, but I love helping people and I love what I do on here.
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So I'm not going anywhere.
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It just might be a little bumpy sometimes.
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Thanks for hanging in there.
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Okay, enough housekeeping.
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Let's get into some spankings.
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I did some research on this topic and I've had this conversation with some of my listeners and a friend of mine from camp.
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Obviously you all know, or maybe you don't if you're new here, and if you are, welcome.
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I have a lot of people in my house, kids, mom, dogs, and no bedroom door, which I'm really hoping will change this upcoming weekend.
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So spanking for us is somewhat challenging because it can be quite loud, depending on the tool or my subbie, who can also be quite loud.
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I also have some struggles with spanking as a punishment.
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How is this a punishment if your sub enjoys getting spankings?
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And would this not encourage them to behave badly just to get the punishment?
00:05:05.220 --> 00:05:07.259
Well, guess what?
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In researching this, I found an article that was published in September of 2020, so pretty recent, that talks about spanking therapy.
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I will have a link in my show notes if you want to check it out.
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I found it quite interesting that I found this article because during a discussion last week with my camp bestie, so yes, that is two besties, my strawberry bestie and my camp bestie.
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There shouldn't be any more, I don't think.
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Anyway, she mentioned with all the stress that my subbie has been under with his family stuff, house stuff, money stuff, whatever, that maybe I should just lay him on the bed and spank it out.
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I found this really odd at first because it didn't make sense to me.
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I didn't have the right perspective.
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But once she explained it a bit more, it made sense.
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Totally changed my perspective altogether.
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And then I came across this article, which leads me to believe that this is something I should talk about.
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So here we are, talking and learning together.
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The therapy perspective is one that I had never considered when thinking about spanking.
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As we discussed a couple weeks ago when we were talking about CBT, cockball torture, spanking also releases the oxytocin, dopamine, and adrenaline.
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Which are, as you know, the feel-good hormones.
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The article says, and I quote, when you're feeling flattened by life, spanking therapy can be a way to remind you of the fullness of your humanity and the joy of life.
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It can bring you back to your inner fire.
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That's fucking interesting to me, to look at something that is considered a punishment in most aspects to be therapy.
00:07:15.639 --> 00:07:20.240
But it very much coincides with what my camp bestie was saying.
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By me taking control of the situation and making my subbie lay down and just let me spank him, gives him a chance to focus on the moment and give him an opportunity to feel that tingle in his skin and the warm sensation that comes after the spank.
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Maybe it will just help him feel alive again, get the blood flowing.
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It's just been a rough week.
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I would never have looked at spanking this way.
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It was a shock to me.
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In a way, it could be therapeutic for me as well.
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I mean, I could get out some of my aggressions with these fucking kids, which don't get me wrong.
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Like I said, I love my kids, but fucking homeschooling.
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God, teachers, I love you all.
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You're my favorite human beings.
00:08:21.019 --> 00:08:26.579
But it would give me an option to work out some of my frustrations.
00:08:26.579 --> 00:08:34.519
And as a couple, it would be great therapy as well because it gives us a moment for us to just be together.
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In that moment, just him and I and all those good hormones that are being released.
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Because it works for me too.
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I sometimes forget or not forget, but sometimes I get lost in the daily stuff.
00:08:51.559 --> 00:08:54.779
And I feel like I don't have as much control as I should.
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And I think this is a good way to bring me back to where I want to be.
00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:03.799
I just, I totally get the therapeutic aspect now.
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It's just crazy.
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I have a whole new outlook on spanking.
00:09:08.120 --> 00:09:19.220
As I was doing my notes and outline for this episode, I was talking to my subbie because I kind of wanted to get his thoughts on it and see where he was at.
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And this is from his perspective.
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He told me that when he was a child, he was whipped with a belt as a consequence for something.
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And that has stayed with him his entire life.
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It also made him see his father as being the authority figure, obviously.
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Since meeting me and the development of our relationship, he wants to take the memories and the belt out of his father's hand and put it in mine and replace those memories of his father being the authority figure and give that authority to me.
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Thus, adding another level or going deeper into our FLR marriage.
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I was like, holy fuck, that's deep.
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I never looked at it that way.
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It was fascinating to hear his thoughts.
00:10:16.090 --> 00:10:23.409
Something as seemingly simple as spanking really holds some weight or well-being benefits.
00:10:25.049 --> 00:10:34.330
I think for me personally, this would be a good way to differentiate spanking punishment with spanking pleasure.
00:10:34.929 --> 00:10:36.049
So let me explain.
00:10:41.779 --> 00:10:50.639
So if the spanking is a punishment, the position that my subbie is in while receiving the spankings could be an uncomfortable position.
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The spankings could be more aggressive maybe or harsh, I guess.
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Whereas if I was doing it for pleasure, they would probably still be aggressive because I don't, I just like to hit him.
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I might be wrong, but I like it, you know, but he enjoys it, we're good.
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Another interesting thing to consider where spanking is concerned, because as I said, I've struggled with the aspect of using it as a punishment because I feel like my subbie enjoys it and will just act up to get a spanking.
00:11:31.000 --> 00:11:36.759
But as I was reading this article, one of the questions was, is it always sexual?
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My first thought is no, and the article agrees.
00:11:42.519 --> 00:12:00.620
But if it was for a reward or if it was for pleasure or a part of playtime, I think my spankings would be aggressive, but I think the aftercare and the touching involved would be much more sensual and erotic, maybe.
00:12:02.460 --> 00:12:10.879
And in addition, if it was a pleasurable session and not a punishment, I think I would make sure that his positioning was more comfortable.
00:12:10.879 --> 00:12:14.360
I guess it would depend on what we were doing.
00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:25.960
But I have to say, for us personally, I think that my subbie would most definitely know the difference between a punishment or pleasure session.
00:12:26.659 --> 00:12:38.000
As far as a therapy session, I'm not quite sure how that would look yet, being as I've never really given any thought prior to now to spanking being a therapy.
00:12:40.960 --> 00:12:44.899
I would be interested if anybody has any thoughts on the therapy aspect of spanking.
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Let me know your feedback.
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I have a rough idea of what I would do just from reading this article and my conversation with my camp bestie, but the stupid-ass self-doubt that I get when trying something different sometimes creeps in, and I second-guess myself.
00:13:09.740 --> 00:13:17.940
Let's dive in a little bit to how to spank, just because I think it's useful information.
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In case someone is new to this, I like how the article breaks it down.
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Here's what they say.
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Think of each cheek as being split into four quadrants.
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The lower innermost quadrant is the most sensitive.
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This is where the spanker will aim for the greatest response.
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But you need to give the body and the bottom a chance to warm up to the sensation first.
00:13:46.299 --> 00:13:57.960
This was interesting to me because as a massage therapist, I think it's important to warm anything up before you go aggressive on it.
00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:00.720
I mean, anything you're doing, you should warm up to it first.
00:14:01.460 --> 00:14:08.460
But you can't go into a cold muscle and just start digging away at it because the body's going to be like, fuck you, get out.
00:14:08.580 --> 00:14:10.039
It's going to try and kick you out of there.
00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:16.539
I think there has been a time where I...
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I think my subbie was just laying on the bed after a shower or something, and I slapped his ass, and I slapped it harder than I was trying to.
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Apparently I'm stronger than I know.
00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:29.120
And he was like, I mean, he yelled really loud.
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It was bad.
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So, lesson learned.
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Warm it up first.
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Gentle little taps maybe.
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Rub the skin a little bit.
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Get the blood flowing to the surface.
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Be much more pleasurable for everyone.
00:14:44.580 --> 00:14:54.639
Also, from personal experience, there was this guy that is from my hometown and every fucking time he saw me, he would slap my ass.
00:14:56.700 --> 00:14:57.440
Every time.
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Okay, not every time.
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Probably almost every time I saw him.
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Usually there was alcohol involved.
00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:06.240
He used to do this to my strawberry bestie as well.
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And one night in particular, he slapped slash spanked my ass so fucking hard, I literally could not catch my breath for probably a minute.
00:15:18.419 --> 00:15:23.659
It's like when you jump into freezing cold water and you just cannot catch your breath.
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It's fucking, you're just, you just can't breathe.
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It was like 30 seconds to a minute of that.
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And the pain was fucking horrible.
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It was horrible.
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My ass was sore for quite some time after that.
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There was absolutely nothing enjoyable for me in this.
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At all.
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Warm up the fucking area because it fucking hurts if you don't.
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You may get a very unpleasant reaction that you don't like.
00:16:01.740 --> 00:16:14.399
Also, if you're new to spanking, this article suggests that you should probably start with your hand until you are a little bit more comfortable and feeling ready to advance to the next tool.
00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:24.159
It does say silicone paddle will equal kind of a stingy reaction where a wood paddle equals a thud.
00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:30.480
It also, the article also talks about getting into a rhythm.
00:16:30.700 --> 00:16:32.779
That rhythm is important in spanking.
00:16:34.059 --> 00:16:45.100
I don't know if we've had a full-on spanking session, so I can't say if we got into a rhythm, but I can see where the rhythm part of it is important.
00:16:46.620 --> 00:16:49.399
This article also talks about setting up a scene.
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The beginning is the scene negotiation, the middle is the spanking session, and the end is the aftercare.
00:16:58.059 --> 00:17:07.960
As some of you are probably realizing, we are not overly organized because everything around us is a chaotic mess and we own our own responsibility in that.
00:17:08.019 --> 00:17:13.818
I'm not putting it off on anything, but everything's pretty fluid in our life, especially right now.
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:23.880
But I think it's important to have your scene negotiated.
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Boundaries set up, everything laid out.
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Now, my subbie and I are kind of different that way.
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I mean, we have really good communication, but he can sense if I'm irritated about something.
00:17:39.819 --> 00:17:48.220
He can feel the energy coming off of me, and obviously he's very observant and can gauge my body movements or body language.
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He knows when something's irritating or if I'm irritated.
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I don't know if my subbie and I have ever participated in a full-on scene just because we don't really have the privacy to do that.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:09.200
As far as aftercare goes, aftercare is very important.
00:18:10.779 --> 00:18:34.660
This article, probably any other article that you read, books, anything like that is going to tell you that aftercare is important because all those good hormones you had that big rush and coming down from it, it's important to have some time where you guys are in the same space and chatting about how you're feeling and how things are going and things like that.
00:18:34.799 --> 00:18:35.700
I think it's very important.
00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:38.559
You need to have communication as part of aftercare.
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Check in with each other.
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Make sure you're doing okay.
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:48.160
As always, you should do your own research and figure out what you are most comfortable with.
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Open communication with your partner is always important.
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You can participate in spanking alone as well.
00:18:56.539 --> 00:18:58.099
The article talks about that a little bit.
00:18:58.220 --> 00:19:01.279
You should check that out if that's something that you're interested in.
00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:05.440
I appreciate everyone hanging in there with me.
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I am not sure what next week's topic will be about yet.
00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:13.039
I will probably post a poll on my Patreon.
00:19:14.019 --> 00:19:15.880
I'm really trying to get better at that.
00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:19.099
But, I love you all.
00:19:19.099 --> 00:19:21.559
Thank you so much for hanging in there with me.
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I will talk to you next week.
00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:27.819
Take care and be a good human being.
00:00:04.669 --> 00:00:08.070
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:08.490 --> 00:00:16.170
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:16.750 --> 00:00:18.989
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:19.449 --> 00:00:22.329
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:22.989 --> 00:00:28.469
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:41.789 --> 00:00:42.990
Welcome back.
00:00:44.549 --> 00:00:45.750
Episode 25.
00:00:47.630 --> 00:00:54.789
And if you're watching this on YouTube, please ignore the ring light glare in my glasses, but I can't see shit these days.
00:00:56.609 --> 00:01:06.569
This week, we are going to talk about spankings, play, or punishment, or both.
00:01:07.670 --> 00:01:11.329
But first, let's talk about some housekeeping.
00:01:22.459 --> 00:01:30.640
I've had a few coaching clients so far, and this week one ended the coaching service with me due to family issues.
00:01:32.180 --> 00:01:42.739
However, I did get some fantastic feedback and I was told that talking to me really opened the lines of communication in their marriage.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:53.719
The client did not get the results they were looking for from their spouse, but was satisfied with the fact that their lines of communication had opened up.
00:01:54.579 --> 00:01:57.659
I greatly appreciate feedback.
00:01:58.439 --> 00:01:59.719
Of all sorts.
00:02:00.480 --> 00:02:07.879
Obviously, I don't care for the negative, but if it is something that will help me be better at what I'm doing, I wanna hear it.
00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:11.500
If it's you telling me I have two chins, fuck off, I'm aware.
00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:20.060
But I seriously, I love the feedback that I get, and this feedback specifically really made me happy.
00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:31.860
Even though the goal was not reached in the end, my client was satisfied with the lines of communication and feels like it might be a possibility down the road.
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:48.500
This lifestyle isn't for everybody, but I think there's different areas of it that you can absolutely work into your relationship to give you some fulfillment in that goal, even though it's not the full-on goal you wanted to reach.
00:02:50.060 --> 00:02:52.520
But you have to work as a team with your partner.
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That's the biggest thing.
00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:58.840
And open communication is one of the best ways to work as a team.
00:02:59.860 --> 00:03:05.599
On the family note, last week was turned a little upside down for me and my husband.
00:03:06.340 --> 00:03:09.319
I wasn't able to post on any of my social media.
00:03:10.840 --> 00:03:12.400
It was just a rough week.
00:03:12.979 --> 00:03:18.240
And I'm just asking for some grace from my followers because this is a whole new journey for me.
00:03:18.620 --> 00:03:26.840
And I know I keep saying that, but this doubt just creeps into my brain space sometimes.
00:03:27.280 --> 00:03:34.580
And I love what I do, but sometimes my self-esteem isn't the greatest and I second-guess everything.
00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:39.479
And I try not to let it affect me, but sometimes it just creeps in.
00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:48.439
I am not perfect, not even close, but I love helping people and I love what I do on here.
00:03:48.680 --> 00:03:50.800
So I'm not going anywhere.
00:03:50.800 --> 00:03:53.039
It just might be a little bumpy sometimes.
00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:55.180
Thanks for hanging in there.
00:03:56.139 --> 00:03:58.159
Okay, enough housekeeping.
00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:00.960
Let's get into some spankings.
00:04:04.020 --> 00:04:16.519
I did some research on this topic and I've had this conversation with some of my listeners and a friend of mine from camp.
00:04:18.300 --> 00:04:22.500
Obviously you all know, or maybe you don't if you're new here, and if you are, welcome.
00:04:22.500 --> 00:04:32.980
I have a lot of people in my house, kids, mom, dogs, and no bedroom door, which I'm really hoping will change this upcoming weekend.
00:04:33.939 --> 00:04:45.779
So spanking for us is somewhat challenging because it can be quite loud, depending on the tool or my subbie, who can also be quite loud.
00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:49.600
I also have some struggles with spanking as a punishment.
00:04:50.459 --> 00:04:56.920
How is this a punishment if your sub enjoys getting spankings?
00:04:58.060 --> 00:05:03.379
And would this not encourage them to behave badly just to get the punishment?
00:05:05.220 --> 00:05:07.259
Well, guess what?
00:05:08.180 --> 00:05:16.300
In researching this, I found an article that was published in September of 2020, so pretty recent, that talks about spanking therapy.
00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:20.480
I will have a link in my show notes if you want to check it out.
00:05:21.939 --> 00:05:34.800
I found it quite interesting that I found this article because during a discussion last week with my camp bestie, so yes, that is two besties, my strawberry bestie and my camp bestie.
00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:37.560
There shouldn't be any more, I don't think.
00:05:38.480 --> 00:05:51.939
Anyway, she mentioned with all the stress that my subbie has been under with his family stuff, house stuff, money stuff, whatever, that maybe I should just lay him on the bed and spank it out.
00:05:52.819 --> 00:05:58.300
I found this really odd at first because it didn't make sense to me.
00:05:58.360 --> 00:05:59.779
I didn't have the right perspective.
00:06:00.180 --> 00:06:03.579
But once she explained it a bit more, it made sense.
00:06:04.500 --> 00:06:06.439
Totally changed my perspective altogether.
00:06:07.980 --> 00:06:15.740
And then I came across this article, which leads me to believe that this is something I should talk about.
00:06:16.300 --> 00:06:18.879
So here we are, talking and learning together.
00:06:20.040 --> 00:06:26.480
The therapy perspective is one that I had never considered when thinking about spanking.
00:06:28.079 --> 00:06:39.920
As we discussed a couple weeks ago when we were talking about CBT, cockball torture, spanking also releases the oxytocin, dopamine, and adrenaline.
00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:43.019
Which are, as you know, the feel-good hormones.
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The article says, and I quote, when you're feeling flattened by life, spanking therapy can be a way to remind you of the fullness of your humanity and the joy of life.
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It can bring you back to your inner fire.
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That's fucking interesting to me, to look at something that is considered a punishment in most aspects to be therapy.
00:07:15.639 --> 00:07:20.240
But it very much coincides with what my camp bestie was saying.
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By me taking control of the situation and making my subbie lay down and just let me spank him, gives him a chance to focus on the moment and give him an opportunity to feel that tingle in his skin and the warm sensation that comes after the spank.
00:07:39.100 --> 00:07:44.360
Maybe it will just help him feel alive again, get the blood flowing.
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It's just been a rough week.
00:07:53.199 --> 00:07:56.399
I would never have looked at spanking this way.
00:07:57.100 --> 00:07:58.439
It was a shock to me.
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In a way, it could be therapeutic for me as well.
00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:11.639
I mean, I could get out some of my aggressions with these fucking kids, which don't get me wrong.
00:08:11.699 --> 00:08:14.439
Like I said, I love my kids, but fucking homeschooling.
00:08:15.060 --> 00:08:16.660
God, teachers, I love you all.
00:08:16.939 --> 00:08:18.319
You're my favorite human beings.
00:08:21.019 --> 00:08:26.579
But it would give me an option to work out some of my frustrations.
00:08:26.579 --> 00:08:34.519
And as a couple, it would be great therapy as well because it gives us a moment for us to just be together.
00:08:34.980 --> 00:08:43.919
In that moment, just him and I and all those good hormones that are being released.
00:08:44.100 --> 00:08:45.279
Because it works for me too.
00:08:45.460 --> 00:08:50.940
I sometimes forget or not forget, but sometimes I get lost in the daily stuff.
00:08:51.559 --> 00:08:54.779
And I feel like I don't have as much control as I should.
00:08:55.720 --> 00:09:00.139
And I think this is a good way to bring me back to where I want to be.
00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:03.799
I just, I totally get the therapeutic aspect now.
00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:04.860
It's just crazy.
00:09:05.580 --> 00:09:07.179
I have a whole new outlook on spanking.
00:09:08.120 --> 00:09:19.220
As I was doing my notes and outline for this episode, I was talking to my subbie because I kind of wanted to get his thoughts on it and see where he was at.
00:09:19.879 --> 00:09:21.600
And this is from his perspective.
00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:28.039
He told me that when he was a child, he was whipped with a belt as a consequence for something.
00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:30.779
And that has stayed with him his entire life.
00:09:33.620 --> 00:09:38.600
It also made him see his father as being the authority figure, obviously.
00:09:39.639 --> 00:09:55.539
Since meeting me and the development of our relationship, he wants to take the memories and the belt out of his father's hand and put it in mine and replace those memories of his father being the authority figure and give that authority to me.
00:09:56.960 --> 00:10:02.600
Thus, adding another level or going deeper into our FLR marriage.
00:10:04.379 --> 00:10:06.559
I was like, holy fuck, that's deep.
00:10:07.139 --> 00:10:09.500
I never looked at it that way.
00:10:10.659 --> 00:10:12.820
It was fascinating to hear his thoughts.
00:10:16.090 --> 00:10:23.409
Something as seemingly simple as spanking really holds some weight or well-being benefits.
00:10:25.049 --> 00:10:34.330
I think for me personally, this would be a good way to differentiate spanking punishment with spanking pleasure.
00:10:34.929 --> 00:10:36.049
So let me explain.
00:10:41.779 --> 00:10:50.639
So if the spanking is a punishment, the position that my subbie is in while receiving the spankings could be an uncomfortable position.
00:10:50.639 --> 00:11:01.720
The spankings could be more aggressive maybe or harsh, I guess.
00:11:03.220 --> 00:11:10.500
Whereas if I was doing it for pleasure, they would probably still be aggressive because I don't, I just like to hit him.
00:11:11.200 --> 00:11:15.220
I might be wrong, but I like it, you know, but he enjoys it, we're good.
00:11:17.000 --> 00:11:30.100
Another interesting thing to consider where spanking is concerned, because as I said, I've struggled with the aspect of using it as a punishment because I feel like my subbie enjoys it and will just act up to get a spanking.
00:11:31.000 --> 00:11:36.759
But as I was reading this article, one of the questions was, is it always sexual?
00:11:37.580 --> 00:11:40.980
My first thought is no, and the article agrees.
00:11:42.519 --> 00:12:00.620
But if it was for a reward or if it was for pleasure or a part of playtime, I think my spankings would be aggressive, but I think the aftercare and the touching involved would be much more sensual and erotic, maybe.
00:12:02.460 --> 00:12:10.879
And in addition, if it was a pleasurable session and not a punishment, I think I would make sure that his positioning was more comfortable.
00:12:10.879 --> 00:12:14.360
I guess it would depend on what we were doing.
00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:25.960
But I have to say, for us personally, I think that my subbie would most definitely know the difference between a punishment or pleasure session.
00:12:26.659 --> 00:12:38.000
As far as a therapy session, I'm not quite sure how that would look yet, being as I've never really given any thought prior to now to spanking being a therapy.
00:12:40.960 --> 00:12:44.899
I would be interested if anybody has any thoughts on the therapy aspect of spanking.
00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:46.559
Let me know your feedback.
00:12:52.539 --> 00:13:08.259
I have a rough idea of what I would do just from reading this article and my conversation with my camp bestie, but the stupid-ass self-doubt that I get when trying something different sometimes creeps in, and I second-guess myself.
00:13:09.740 --> 00:13:17.940
Let's dive in a little bit to how to spank, just because I think it's useful information.
00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:22.320
In case someone is new to this, I like how the article breaks it down.
00:13:23.220 --> 00:13:24.039
Here's what they say.
00:13:24.539 --> 00:13:28.860
Think of each cheek as being split into four quadrants.
00:13:30.299 --> 00:13:33.580
The lower innermost quadrant is the most sensitive.
00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:37.460
This is where the spanker will aim for the greatest response.
00:13:37.460 --> 00:13:44.559
But you need to give the body and the bottom a chance to warm up to the sensation first.
00:13:46.299 --> 00:13:57.960
This was interesting to me because as a massage therapist, I think it's important to warm anything up before you go aggressive on it.
00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:00.720
I mean, anything you're doing, you should warm up to it first.
00:14:01.460 --> 00:14:08.460
But you can't go into a cold muscle and just start digging away at it because the body's going to be like, fuck you, get out.
00:14:08.580 --> 00:14:10.039
It's going to try and kick you out of there.
00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:16.539
I think there has been a time where I...
00:14:16.539 --> 00:14:23.179
I think my subbie was just laying on the bed after a shower or something, and I slapped his ass, and I slapped it harder than I was trying to.
00:14:23.559 --> 00:14:24.879
Apparently I'm stronger than I know.
00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:29.120
And he was like, I mean, he yelled really loud.
00:14:29.220 --> 00:14:30.360
It was bad.
00:14:31.139 --> 00:14:32.559
So, lesson learned.
00:14:33.620 --> 00:14:34.659
Warm it up first.
00:14:34.659 --> 00:14:36.419
Gentle little taps maybe.
00:14:37.320 --> 00:14:38.659
Rub the skin a little bit.
00:14:38.740 --> 00:14:40.039
Get the blood flowing to the surface.
00:14:41.000 --> 00:14:42.799
Be much more pleasurable for everyone.
00:14:44.580 --> 00:14:54.639
Also, from personal experience, there was this guy that is from my hometown and every fucking time he saw me, he would slap my ass.
00:14:56.700 --> 00:14:57.440
Every time.
00:14:58.440 --> 00:14:59.220
Okay, not every time.
00:14:59.299 --> 00:15:00.820
Probably almost every time I saw him.
00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:02.299
Usually there was alcohol involved.
00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:06.240
He used to do this to my strawberry bestie as well.
00:15:07.100 --> 00:15:17.799
And one night in particular, he slapped slash spanked my ass so fucking hard, I literally could not catch my breath for probably a minute.
00:15:18.419 --> 00:15:23.659
It's like when you jump into freezing cold water and you just cannot catch your breath.
00:15:23.740 --> 00:15:26.519
It's fucking, you're just, you just can't breathe.
00:15:26.740 --> 00:15:29.220
It was like 30 seconds to a minute of that.
00:15:29.220 --> 00:15:32.580
And the pain was fucking horrible.
00:15:33.100 --> 00:15:34.419
It was horrible.
00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:37.500
My ass was sore for quite some time after that.
00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:45.240
There was absolutely nothing enjoyable for me in this.
00:15:45.940 --> 00:15:46.759
At all.
00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:50.919
Warm up the fucking area because it fucking hurts if you don't.
00:15:51.740 --> 00:15:55.600
You may get a very unpleasant reaction that you don't like.
00:16:01.740 --> 00:16:14.399
Also, if you're new to spanking, this article suggests that you should probably start with your hand until you are a little bit more comfortable and feeling ready to advance to the next tool.
00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:24.159
It does say silicone paddle will equal kind of a stingy reaction where a wood paddle equals a thud.
00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:30.480
It also, the article also talks about getting into a rhythm.
00:16:30.700 --> 00:16:32.779
That rhythm is important in spanking.
00:16:34.059 --> 00:16:45.100
I don't know if we've had a full-on spanking session, so I can't say if we got into a rhythm, but I can see where the rhythm part of it is important.
00:16:46.620 --> 00:16:49.399
This article also talks about setting up a scene.
00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:55.399
The beginning is the scene negotiation, the middle is the spanking session, and the end is the aftercare.
00:16:58.059 --> 00:17:07.960
As some of you are probably realizing, we are not overly organized because everything around us is a chaotic mess and we own our own responsibility in that.
00:17:08.019 --> 00:17:13.818
I'm not putting it off on anything, but everything's pretty fluid in our life, especially right now.
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:23.880
But I think it's important to have your scene negotiated.
00:17:23.880 --> 00:17:26.920
Boundaries set up, everything laid out.
00:17:27.519 --> 00:17:31.819
Now, my subbie and I are kind of different that way.
00:17:32.539 --> 00:17:38.819
I mean, we have really good communication, but he can sense if I'm irritated about something.
00:17:39.819 --> 00:17:48.220
He can feel the energy coming off of me, and obviously he's very observant and can gauge my body movements or body language.
00:17:48.539 --> 00:17:52.039
He knows when something's irritating or if I'm irritated.
00:17:52.940 --> 00:18:02.220
I don't know if my subbie and I have ever participated in a full-on scene just because we don't really have the privacy to do that.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:09.200
As far as aftercare goes, aftercare is very important.
00:18:10.779 --> 00:18:34.660
This article, probably any other article that you read, books, anything like that is going to tell you that aftercare is important because all those good hormones you had that big rush and coming down from it, it's important to have some time where you guys are in the same space and chatting about how you're feeling and how things are going and things like that.
00:18:34.799 --> 00:18:35.700
I think it's very important.
00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:38.559
You need to have communication as part of aftercare.
00:18:38.980 --> 00:18:39.920
Check in with each other.
00:18:40.119 --> 00:18:41.200
Make sure you're doing okay.
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:48.160
As always, you should do your own research and figure out what you are most comfortable with.
00:18:48.900 --> 00:18:51.200
Open communication with your partner is always important.
00:18:52.599 --> 00:18:56.319
You can participate in spanking alone as well.
00:18:56.539 --> 00:18:58.099
The article talks about that a little bit.
00:18:58.220 --> 00:19:01.279
You should check that out if that's something that you're interested in.
00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:05.440
I appreciate everyone hanging in there with me.
00:19:05.859 --> 00:19:09.799
I am not sure what next week's topic will be about yet.
00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:13.039
I will probably post a poll on my Patreon.
00:19:14.019 --> 00:19:15.880
I'm really trying to get better at that.
00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:19.099
But, I love you all.
00:19:19.099 --> 00:19:21.559
Thank you so much for hanging in there with me.
00:19:22.980 --> 00:19:25.220
I will talk to you next week.
00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:27.819
Take care and be a good human being.
