Jan. 15, 2025
0105 Female Led Relationships: Head First into the FetLife Community and Munch Experience
Hey! I see you! Have a question for me, you can privately text me here!
I have a background that involves firsthand experience in navigating these communities alongside a supportive partner, I can offer an insider's perspective into the often misunderstood world of FetLife and similar social networking platforms.
Through this podcast, I aim to share personal stories and insights, demystifying complex relationship dynamics such as female-led relationships (FLR) and Dom/sub partnerships. Their goal is to create an open dialogue with listeners who are curious about or involved in these lifestyles.
In this episode, I take the listener on a journey through the intriguing world of FetLife and the social phenomenon known as munches. I begin with the experience of setting up a FetLife profile, likening it to a labyrinth of questions aimed at aligning interests with online personas.
As I navigate this kink-centered social network, I introduce the concept of munches—community gatherings that prioritize safety and consent, often prohibiting alcohol to maintain a secure environment.
I then shift to the challenges of online dating, especially the complexities that arise when dealing with married individuals seeking affairs.
Listeners interested in exploring the FetLife community and the world of munches will find this episode particularly enlightening. Key topics include setting up a FetLife profile, understanding the importance of consent and safe words, and navigating the challenges of online dating.
This episode serves as a guide for newcomers to the kink lifestyle, offering valuable insights into safe and consensual interactions. It also highlights the significance of honest communication when engaging in online dating, especially on platforms like Craigslist and Kik. For those intrigued by the dom-sub dynamic, the upcoming episode promises to provide additional perspectives and knowledge.
Links:
Listener Questions:
- What are the steps to creating a FetLife profile and what should I expect as a newcomer?
- How do munches work and what should I know before attending one?
- What are the best practices for engaging in online dating within the kink community?
Lovense brings tech to the bedroom with high quality sex toys that can be controlled via bluetooth at close range, or through the app across the world!
Find out more HERE!
Want to support the podcast and be involved with the behind-the-scenes, including voting on episode topics, as well as tiptoe with me into this whole "coaching" thing.
Also, my psuedo-autobiographical audio drama podcast "Control" will "re-debut" this spring as we drop the entire first season exclusively on Patreon!
Find my Patreon HERE!
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.419
Really, you don't even know me.
00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:03.000
You haven't even said two words to me.
00:00:03.059 --> 00:00:04.240
How do you even know what I like?
00:00:04.459 --> 00:00:06.719
Fuck, I don't even know if I know what I fucking like.
00:00:07.959 --> 00:00:09.300
Just seems odd to me.
00:00:13.400 --> 00:00:16.699
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:16.980 --> 00:00:24.760
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:25.359 --> 00:00:27.600
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:27.929 --> 00:00:30.899
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:31.640 --> 00:00:37.259
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:44.219 --> 00:00:54.280
♪♪♪Thanks so much for coming back for a listen to episode five.
00:00:55.479 --> 00:01:05.519
So in episode four, we discussed my first side action with a guy while the hubby watched or attempted to watch, but his phone fell.
00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:07.859
Apparently the fates were against him.
00:01:08.180 --> 00:01:09.219
He could only hear.
00:01:10.120 --> 00:01:13.599
If you haven't listened to episode four, shame on you.
00:01:14.060 --> 00:01:15.140
Go back, give it a listen.
00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:16.620
You won't be disappointed.
00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:22.659
On this episode, we're gonna talk about social networking apps and websites.
00:01:23.340 --> 00:01:33.579
Being new to the lifestyle and FLR, female-led relationship, I had a lot of questions and was completely in the dark about how all of this worked.
00:01:34.420 --> 00:01:38.340
I just wanted a place to go where I could get some answers to my questions.
00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:41.359
The first place I think I went was FetLife.
00:01:42.019 --> 00:01:45.439
This site can be a little overwhelming for newbies.
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:49.519
If you just take a deep breath, it's not really too bad.
00:01:50.079 --> 00:01:52.560
So FetLife is Facebook for kinksters.
00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:57.760
There is no app for Apple products, but there is for Android products.
00:01:57.840 --> 00:02:00.299
So if you're an Android user, you're in luck.
00:02:00.900 --> 00:02:15.599
So logging in, I recruited my husband to help me set up my profile so that it, cause I have no idea, it asks you some pretty in-depth questions about things that you're interested in, what your gender is, what you identify as.
00:02:15.620 --> 00:02:18.360
I mean, there's so many questions I had no idea even how to answer.
00:02:18.360 --> 00:02:20.280
So he kinda guided me along.
00:02:20.580 --> 00:02:31.159
He didn't give me my answers really, but he just helped me know, he would just ask me questions more in my language that would help me know what my answer should be, or you can just put undecided.
00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:35.860
You do have to pay a subscription fee to have full access to FetLife.
00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:44.960
It's $5 a month, or you can do three months, six months, or you can do a year for, I think it's 200 actually for a lifetime.
00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:47.900
So that's really actually not that bad.
00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:50.460
So we set up my profile.
00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:51.479
We started scrolling.
00:02:51.819 --> 00:02:54.159
I got some messages here and there.
00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:55.740
They were pretty decent messages.
00:02:55.979 --> 00:02:58.460
People are very respectful, kind.
00:03:00.199 --> 00:03:02.860
It is a little bit kinda like being fresh meat though.
00:03:03.479 --> 00:03:06.400
You do kinda have your inbox blow up a little bit here and there.
00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:11.759
One thing FetLife offers that I thought was really cool is you can do munches.
00:03:11.879 --> 00:03:12.979
They have events.
00:03:13.419 --> 00:03:17.560
You do have to do a munch before you can do an event because you have to get vetted.
00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:19.900
And we'll unpack all of that.
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:24.340
So a munch is a gathering that they hold.
00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:30.199
So I've only been to one, so I don't have a whole lot of experience with this, but I'll explain how mine went.
00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:32.199
So we went to a munch.
00:03:32.360 --> 00:03:33.520
It was at a restaurant.
00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:38.080
We were in like a party room, and it was closed off from the rest of the restaurant.
00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:40.939
The serving staff was aware of what it was.
00:03:41.020 --> 00:03:48.319
They knew it was a lifestyle event, and they were lifestyle-friendly, a lifestyle-friendly establishment.
00:03:48.620 --> 00:03:51.800
I don't know how you would say that, but they were aware of what it was.
00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:56.060
There was probably 15 to 20 people at this one that we attended.
00:03:56.180 --> 00:03:57.419
My husband and I both went.
00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:07.319
And it was nice because you go around the room, you introduce yourself, you give everybody your username on Fet so they can reach out to you or you can reach out to them.
00:04:07.900 --> 00:04:09.580
They go over rules.
00:04:10.300 --> 00:04:21.620
Fet does have some pretty substantial rules, maybe not substantial, but pretty important rules that being a newbie I never would have maybe thought of or would have known.
00:04:22.199 --> 00:04:25.100
But you go, we had a meal, we talked to people.
00:04:25.579 --> 00:04:28.360
There were some people there that made toys for play.
00:04:28.540 --> 00:04:31.240
There was flogging toys, there was paddles.
00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:35.279
They kind of gave a demonstration on how you can use these during play.
00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:40.800
A couple of the rules that were discussed right away, because they're pretty important.
00:04:41.720 --> 00:04:44.560
The first one is everything must be consensual.
00:04:45.019 --> 00:04:46.500
Everything must be consensual.
00:04:46.819 --> 00:04:48.899
And this is kind of a life rule in general.
00:04:49.300 --> 00:04:54.319
You wanna make sure that the person that you're interacting with is on board with what's going on.
00:04:55.259 --> 00:04:58.160
Another thing, a safe word is very important.
00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:00.300
I learned this very early on.
00:05:00.740 --> 00:05:11.060
If you are all of a sudden uncomfortable, in pain, are not okay with what's going on, you need to be able to have this word that you can use to stop everything immediately.
00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:13.959
When that word is used, all play ends.
00:05:14.379 --> 00:05:15.379
It's so important.
00:05:15.740 --> 00:05:19.300
And you wanna make sure that you're always checking in with your partner.
00:05:19.740 --> 00:05:21.579
Are you guys both on the same page?
00:05:22.019 --> 00:05:23.699
Are you both feeling the same thing?
00:05:23.939 --> 00:05:26.639
Is everything still consensual?
00:05:26.839 --> 00:05:27.839
Did anything change?
00:05:27.899 --> 00:05:28.639
Did something trigger?
00:05:28.819 --> 00:05:32.759
Because some of this stuff can trigger past trauma.
00:05:32.759 --> 00:05:34.120
I mean, it's hard to say.
00:05:34.180 --> 00:05:35.379
The human brain's insane.
00:05:37.600 --> 00:05:40.379
So consensual, everything has to be consensual.
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.800
Rule number one seems pretty self-explanatory.
00:05:44.019 --> 00:05:48.620
However, it was nice to hear, you always ask somebody before you touch them.
00:05:48.699 --> 00:05:55.160
You always check in with them, see how they're feeling during the play, all of that, which was very interesting to me.
00:05:55.220 --> 00:05:56.639
Obviously, I'd never really played.
00:05:58.180 --> 00:06:01.980
The second thing is some events do not allow alcohol.
00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:09.579
Now, not all events are that way, but the majority of what I found on FetLife did not allow alcohol.
00:06:09.980 --> 00:06:19.740
If they did and you became belligerent or just a jackass or violent or whatever, you were asked to leave immediately.
00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:27.060
Another thing I noticed about their events is that there is only a certain number allowed and you have to RSVP.
00:06:27.579 --> 00:06:28.480
So that's nice.
00:06:28.600 --> 00:06:38.279
The groups can be smaller or somewhat bigger depending on how many people they're gonna have there to watch over things and make sure everybody's being safe.
00:06:39.180 --> 00:06:41.240
It's actually kind of like a family.
00:06:41.939 --> 00:06:44.819
Everybody's looking out for everybody to make sure nobody gets hurt.
00:06:45.459 --> 00:06:49.680
Now, on that note, I haven't technically gone to a FetLife event.
00:06:50.420 --> 00:06:55.240
I have read feedback on them and they seem very safe, very fun.
00:06:55.920 --> 00:06:57.720
I'm not opposed to trying one.
00:06:57.779 --> 00:06:58.819
I just haven't yet.
00:06:58.939 --> 00:06:59.819
I haven't had time.
00:07:01.019 --> 00:07:11.279
So once you've attended a munch, if there's a specific event you're looking to attend, sometimes that specific event will have a specific munch so that you can get vetted.
00:07:11.720 --> 00:07:28.480
And what vetted means is that you've gone to the munch, you've met people that are in charge of the event or people who will be attending the event basically just to kind of get to know everybody to make sure it's a good fit and that one or the other isn't crazy or whatever the case may be.
00:07:29.040 --> 00:07:32.360
So once you've attended a munch, you're vetted to attend an event.
00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:46.240
I honestly don't know if once you go to one munch, you're vetted for all events or if events are different and each event requires you to attend a specific munch for that event to be vetted.
00:07:47.639 --> 00:07:50.180
If anyone knows and wants to let me know, that'd be fantastic.
00:07:50.660 --> 00:07:52.600
I can probably go on FetLife and look.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:54.699
Right now, things are kind of crazy still.
00:07:54.839 --> 00:08:03.920
So I don't know if I'll be attending any events, but it's my goal for this winter to attend maybe at least one and I'll let you guys know what it's like.
00:08:06.839 --> 00:08:09.839
So we've talked about munches being vetted.
00:08:10.540 --> 00:08:12.319
What else did I like about FetLife?
00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:24.120
Oh, I did really enjoy the people that I spoke to there and people were very friendly in explaining things to me that I didn't know and I was able to get a lot of answers.
00:08:24.759 --> 00:08:27.279
I really overall, FetLife is probably my favorite.
00:08:27.899 --> 00:08:28.839
I'm still on there.
00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:30.139
I haven't been on in a while.
00:08:30.279 --> 00:08:32.158
I couldn't even tell you what my username is.
00:08:34.220 --> 00:08:38.798
However, I would like to get back on there and get active because I really did enjoy the people.
00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:40.879
So you should definitely check it out.
00:08:41.700 --> 00:08:43.620
Oh, one other thing I forgot about FetLife.
00:08:44.159 --> 00:08:48.279
They do instructional munches or events too.
00:08:48.460 --> 00:09:15.659
So if there's a certain type of play that you're interested in, like electro play, rope play, fire play, anything like that, there is a group for that and they will sometimes do instructional events to teach you how to do that safely so that nobody gets hurt because obviously that's the last thing you want is to be playing and somebody end up seriously hurt, which I thought was very cool and the people that seem to be heading up the events seem to be very knowledgeable.
00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:26.639
Okay, so the next one that I think I, and we talked about this a little bit in episode four, is Kick, which is a messaging app.
00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:30.419
Now this app isn't specifically for kinksters per se.
00:09:31.159 --> 00:09:33.399
They do have groups for everything.
00:09:33.820 --> 00:09:40.720
So if there's something that you want to join a group about scrapbooking or whatever, there's a group for everything on there.
00:09:41.139 --> 00:09:43.279
I, of course, veered towards the kink part of it.
00:09:43.379 --> 00:09:44.299
So there we are.
00:09:45.539 --> 00:09:46.679
So Kick was great.
00:09:47.139 --> 00:09:58.600
I signed up for, like I said in episode four, I signed up for my Kick account and I was bombarded with dick pics and messages that were pretty much pointless.
00:09:59.399 --> 00:10:04.379
This app I struggled a little bit with because it felt like nobody really knew how to carry a conversation.
00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:08.960
I mean, I can fuck you better than anybody's ever fucked you before.
00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:10.740
Really, you don't even know me.
00:10:10.860 --> 00:10:12.320
You haven't even said two words to me.
00:10:12.379 --> 00:10:13.559
How do you even know what I like?
00:10:13.779 --> 00:10:16.039
Fuck, I don't even know if I know what I fucking like.
00:10:17.259 --> 00:10:18.580
Just seems odd to me.
00:10:18.580 --> 00:10:23.080
However, I did meet some very interesting people on Kick.
00:10:23.299 --> 00:10:27.960
In fact, Kick is what led me to my first remote key holder situation.
00:10:28.259 --> 00:10:29.899
And that was pretty interesting.
00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.740
I stumbled a little along the way, but I really liked it.
00:10:34.279 --> 00:10:36.460
And I'm not opposed to doing it some more.
00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:41.220
I think the final one that I did was adult friend finder.
00:10:42.059 --> 00:10:44.559
Now this was a mistake for me personally.
00:10:45.259 --> 00:10:51.539
I wasn't necessarily looking for just a random wham bam, thank you, sir, or whatever you want to call it.
00:10:52.039 --> 00:10:55.600
This site is specifically what it's called.
00:10:55.779 --> 00:10:57.539
It's basically finding a fuck friend.
00:10:57.960 --> 00:11:08.200
My biggest issue with this site was that it seems a lot of married men tend to go on there and they're just looking for a quick one night stand to cheat on their wife.
00:11:08.899 --> 00:11:10.000
That's not my jam.
00:11:10.519 --> 00:11:11.879
I don't want to be the other woman.
00:11:12.480 --> 00:11:14.539
I don't want anything to do with you if you're married.
00:11:14.539 --> 00:11:18.879
Unless your wife is aware and even then it's a bit sketchy.
00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:22.080
That's a whole different avenue to go down.
00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:28.240
I mean, there has to be conversations and you have to have a lot of honesty and I don't even know you.
00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:33.679
However, if you're just looking for a quick hookup and you don't care and that's on you.
00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:35.919
I mean, it's everybody's choice.
00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:39.720
You do what you think is right or whatever you want to do.
00:11:39.820 --> 00:11:42.360
Me personally, I'm not really into that.
00:11:43.399 --> 00:11:45.899
I did explore Craigslist a little bit.
00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.159
I just wasn't comfortable with that.
00:11:48.919 --> 00:11:53.240
I was in a group for a while of a bunch of people that were in the singles ads.
00:11:53.379 --> 00:11:56.820
They were in a group on Kick and I met some really cool people in there.
00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:00.240
They were real fun to talk to and it was fun.
00:12:01.779 --> 00:12:09.980
I would love to hear from some of you guys, gals, all of the above, what your experiences have been on social media and networking apps.
00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:11.919
What were your experiences?
00:12:12.360 --> 00:12:14.679
Do you know of some that are good that I haven't listed?
00:12:15.259 --> 00:12:24.139
I would guess there are many, many out there and I don't have any clue where I would even start to explore, but hit me up with your suggestions and comments.
00:12:24.539 --> 00:12:26.159
I would love to hear what you have to say.
00:12:27.220 --> 00:12:34.519
Next week, we're talking about what it's like to be in a dom-sub relationship and I have a very special guest.
00:12:34.980 --> 00:12:37.159
I'm bringing my own personal subbie.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.419
Really, you don't even know me.
00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:03.000
You haven't even said two words to me.
00:00:03.059 --> 00:00:04.240
How do you even know what I like?
00:00:04.459 --> 00:00:06.719
Fuck, I don't even know if I know what I fucking like.
00:00:07.959 --> 00:00:09.300
Just seems odd to me.
00:00:13.400 --> 00:00:16.699
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:16.980 --> 00:00:24.760
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:25.359 --> 00:00:27.600
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:27.929 --> 00:00:30.899
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:31.640 --> 00:00:37.259
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:44.219 --> 00:00:54.280
♪♪♪Thanks so much for coming back for a listen to episode five.
00:00:55.479 --> 00:01:05.519
So in episode four, we discussed my first side action with a guy while the hubby watched or attempted to watch, but his phone fell.
00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:07.859
Apparently the fates were against him.
00:01:08.180 --> 00:01:09.219
He could only hear.
00:01:10.120 --> 00:01:13.599
If you haven't listened to episode four, shame on you.
00:01:14.060 --> 00:01:15.140
Go back, give it a listen.
00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:16.620
You won't be disappointed.
00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:22.659
On this episode, we're gonna talk about social networking apps and websites.
00:01:23.340 --> 00:01:33.579
Being new to the lifestyle and FLR, female-led relationship, I had a lot of questions and was completely in the dark about how all of this worked.
00:01:34.420 --> 00:01:38.340
I just wanted a place to go where I could get some answers to my questions.
00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:41.359
The first place I think I went was FetLife.
00:01:42.019 --> 00:01:45.439
This site can be a little overwhelming for newbies.
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:49.519
If you just take a deep breath, it's not really too bad.
00:01:50.079 --> 00:01:52.560
So FetLife is Facebook for kinksters.
00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:57.760
There is no app for Apple products, but there is for Android products.
00:01:57.840 --> 00:02:00.299
So if you're an Android user, you're in luck.
00:02:00.900 --> 00:02:15.599
So logging in, I recruited my husband to help me set up my profile so that it, cause I have no idea, it asks you some pretty in-depth questions about things that you're interested in, what your gender is, what you identify as.
00:02:15.620 --> 00:02:18.360
I mean, there's so many questions I had no idea even how to answer.
00:02:18.360 --> 00:02:20.280
So he kinda guided me along.
00:02:20.580 --> 00:02:31.159
He didn't give me my answers really, but he just helped me know, he would just ask me questions more in my language that would help me know what my answer should be, or you can just put undecided.
00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:35.860
You do have to pay a subscription fee to have full access to FetLife.
00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:44.960
It's $5 a month, or you can do three months, six months, or you can do a year for, I think it's 200 actually for a lifetime.
00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:47.900
So that's really actually not that bad.
00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:50.460
So we set up my profile.
00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:51.479
We started scrolling.
00:02:51.819 --> 00:02:54.159
I got some messages here and there.
00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:55.740
They were pretty decent messages.
00:02:55.979 --> 00:02:58.460
People are very respectful, kind.
00:03:00.199 --> 00:03:02.860
It is a little bit kinda like being fresh meat though.
00:03:03.479 --> 00:03:06.400
You do kinda have your inbox blow up a little bit here and there.
00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:11.759
One thing FetLife offers that I thought was really cool is you can do munches.
00:03:11.879 --> 00:03:12.979
They have events.
00:03:13.419 --> 00:03:17.560
You do have to do a munch before you can do an event because you have to get vetted.
00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:19.900
And we'll unpack all of that.
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:24.340
So a munch is a gathering that they hold.
00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:30.199
So I've only been to one, so I don't have a whole lot of experience with this, but I'll explain how mine went.
00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:32.199
So we went to a munch.
00:03:32.360 --> 00:03:33.520
It was at a restaurant.
00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:38.080
We were in like a party room, and it was closed off from the rest of the restaurant.
00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:40.939
The serving staff was aware of what it was.
00:03:41.020 --> 00:03:48.319
They knew it was a lifestyle event, and they were lifestyle-friendly, a lifestyle-friendly establishment.
00:03:48.620 --> 00:03:51.800
I don't know how you would say that, but they were aware of what it was.
00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:56.060
There was probably 15 to 20 people at this one that we attended.
00:03:56.180 --> 00:03:57.419
My husband and I both went.
00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:07.319
And it was nice because you go around the room, you introduce yourself, you give everybody your username on Fet so they can reach out to you or you can reach out to them.
00:04:07.900 --> 00:04:09.580
They go over rules.
00:04:10.300 --> 00:04:21.620
Fet does have some pretty substantial rules, maybe not substantial, but pretty important rules that being a newbie I never would have maybe thought of or would have known.
00:04:22.199 --> 00:04:25.100
But you go, we had a meal, we talked to people.
00:04:25.579 --> 00:04:28.360
There were some people there that made toys for play.
00:04:28.540 --> 00:04:31.240
There was flogging toys, there was paddles.
00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:35.279
They kind of gave a demonstration on how you can use these during play.
00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:40.800
A couple of the rules that were discussed right away, because they're pretty important.
00:04:41.720 --> 00:04:44.560
The first one is everything must be consensual.
00:04:45.019 --> 00:04:46.500
Everything must be consensual.
00:04:46.819 --> 00:04:48.899
And this is kind of a life rule in general.
00:04:49.300 --> 00:04:54.319
You wanna make sure that the person that you're interacting with is on board with what's going on.
00:04:55.259 --> 00:04:58.160
Another thing, a safe word is very important.
00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:00.300
I learned this very early on.
00:05:00.740 --> 00:05:11.060
If you are all of a sudden uncomfortable, in pain, are not okay with what's going on, you need to be able to have this word that you can use to stop everything immediately.
00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:13.959
When that word is used, all play ends.
00:05:14.379 --> 00:05:15.379
It's so important.
00:05:15.740 --> 00:05:19.300
And you wanna make sure that you're always checking in with your partner.
00:05:19.740 --> 00:05:21.579
Are you guys both on the same page?
00:05:22.019 --> 00:05:23.699
Are you both feeling the same thing?
00:05:23.939 --> 00:05:26.639
Is everything still consensual?
00:05:26.839 --> 00:05:27.839
Did anything change?
00:05:27.899 --> 00:05:28.639
Did something trigger?
00:05:28.819 --> 00:05:32.759
Because some of this stuff can trigger past trauma.
00:05:32.759 --> 00:05:34.120
I mean, it's hard to say.
00:05:34.180 --> 00:05:35.379
The human brain's insane.
00:05:37.600 --> 00:05:40.379
So consensual, everything has to be consensual.
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.800
Rule number one seems pretty self-explanatory.
00:05:44.019 --> 00:05:48.620
However, it was nice to hear, you always ask somebody before you touch them.
00:05:48.699 --> 00:05:55.160
You always check in with them, see how they're feeling during the play, all of that, which was very interesting to me.
00:05:55.220 --> 00:05:56.639
Obviously, I'd never really played.
00:05:58.180 --> 00:06:01.980
The second thing is some events do not allow alcohol.
00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:09.579
Now, not all events are that way, but the majority of what I found on FetLife did not allow alcohol.
00:06:09.980 --> 00:06:19.740
If they did and you became belligerent or just a jackass or violent or whatever, you were asked to leave immediately.
00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:27.060
Another thing I noticed about their events is that there is only a certain number allowed and you have to RSVP.
00:06:27.579 --> 00:06:28.480
So that's nice.
00:06:28.600 --> 00:06:38.279
The groups can be smaller or somewhat bigger depending on how many people they're gonna have there to watch over things and make sure everybody's being safe.
00:06:39.180 --> 00:06:41.240
It's actually kind of like a family.
00:06:41.939 --> 00:06:44.819
Everybody's looking out for everybody to make sure nobody gets hurt.
00:06:45.459 --> 00:06:49.680
Now, on that note, I haven't technically gone to a FetLife event.
00:06:50.420 --> 00:06:55.240
I have read feedback on them and they seem very safe, very fun.
00:06:55.920 --> 00:06:57.720
I'm not opposed to trying one.
00:06:57.779 --> 00:06:58.819
I just haven't yet.
00:06:58.939 --> 00:06:59.819
I haven't had time.
00:07:01.019 --> 00:07:11.279
So once you've attended a munch, if there's a specific event you're looking to attend, sometimes that specific event will have a specific munch so that you can get vetted.
00:07:11.720 --> 00:07:28.480
And what vetted means is that you've gone to the munch, you've met people that are in charge of the event or people who will be attending the event basically just to kind of get to know everybody to make sure it's a good fit and that one or the other isn't crazy or whatever the case may be.
00:07:29.040 --> 00:07:32.360
So once you've attended a munch, you're vetted to attend an event.
00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:46.240
I honestly don't know if once you go to one munch, you're vetted for all events or if events are different and each event requires you to attend a specific munch for that event to be vetted.
00:07:47.639 --> 00:07:50.180
If anyone knows and wants to let me know, that'd be fantastic.
00:07:50.660 --> 00:07:52.600
I can probably go on FetLife and look.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:54.699
Right now, things are kind of crazy still.
00:07:54.839 --> 00:08:03.920
So I don't know if I'll be attending any events, but it's my goal for this winter to attend maybe at least one and I'll let you guys know what it's like.
00:08:06.839 --> 00:08:09.839
So we've talked about munches being vetted.
00:08:10.540 --> 00:08:12.319
What else did I like about FetLife?
00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:24.120
Oh, I did really enjoy the people that I spoke to there and people were very friendly in explaining things to me that I didn't know and I was able to get a lot of answers.
00:08:24.759 --> 00:08:27.279
I really overall, FetLife is probably my favorite.
00:08:27.899 --> 00:08:28.839
I'm still on there.
00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:30.139
I haven't been on in a while.
00:08:30.279 --> 00:08:32.158
I couldn't even tell you what my username is.
00:08:34.220 --> 00:08:38.798
However, I would like to get back on there and get active because I really did enjoy the people.
00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:40.879
So you should definitely check it out.
00:08:41.700 --> 00:08:43.620
Oh, one other thing I forgot about FetLife.
00:08:44.159 --> 00:08:48.279
They do instructional munches or events too.
00:08:48.460 --> 00:09:15.659
So if there's a certain type of play that you're interested in, like electro play, rope play, fire play, anything like that, there is a group for that and they will sometimes do instructional events to teach you how to do that safely so that nobody gets hurt because obviously that's the last thing you want is to be playing and somebody end up seriously hurt, which I thought was very cool and the people that seem to be heading up the events seem to be very knowledgeable.
00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:26.639
Okay, so the next one that I think I, and we talked about this a little bit in episode four, is Kick, which is a messaging app.
00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:30.419
Now this app isn't specifically for kinksters per se.
00:09:31.159 --> 00:09:33.399
They do have groups for everything.
00:09:33.820 --> 00:09:40.720
So if there's something that you want to join a group about scrapbooking or whatever, there's a group for everything on there.
00:09:41.139 --> 00:09:43.279
I, of course, veered towards the kink part of it.
00:09:43.379 --> 00:09:44.299
So there we are.
00:09:45.539 --> 00:09:46.679
So Kick was great.
00:09:47.139 --> 00:09:58.600
I signed up for, like I said in episode four, I signed up for my Kick account and I was bombarded with dick pics and messages that were pretty much pointless.
00:09:59.399 --> 00:10:04.379
This app I struggled a little bit with because it felt like nobody really knew how to carry a conversation.
00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:08.960
I mean, I can fuck you better than anybody's ever fucked you before.
00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:10.740
Really, you don't even know me.
00:10:10.860 --> 00:10:12.320
You haven't even said two words to me.
00:10:12.379 --> 00:10:13.559
How do you even know what I like?
00:10:13.779 --> 00:10:16.039
Fuck, I don't even know if I know what I fucking like.
00:10:17.259 --> 00:10:18.580
Just seems odd to me.
00:10:18.580 --> 00:10:23.080
However, I did meet some very interesting people on Kick.
00:10:23.299 --> 00:10:27.960
In fact, Kick is what led me to my first remote key holder situation.
00:10:28.259 --> 00:10:29.899
And that was pretty interesting.
00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.740
I stumbled a little along the way, but I really liked it.
00:10:34.279 --> 00:10:36.460
And I'm not opposed to doing it some more.
00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:41.220
I think the final one that I did was adult friend finder.
00:10:42.059 --> 00:10:44.559
Now this was a mistake for me personally.
00:10:45.259 --> 00:10:51.539
I wasn't necessarily looking for just a random wham bam, thank you, sir, or whatever you want to call it.
00:10:52.039 --> 00:10:55.600
This site is specifically what it's called.
00:10:55.779 --> 00:10:57.539
It's basically finding a fuck friend.
00:10:57.960 --> 00:11:08.200
My biggest issue with this site was that it seems a lot of married men tend to go on there and they're just looking for a quick one night stand to cheat on their wife.
00:11:08.899 --> 00:11:10.000
That's not my jam.
00:11:10.519 --> 00:11:11.879
I don't want to be the other woman.
00:11:12.480 --> 00:11:14.539
I don't want anything to do with you if you're married.
00:11:14.539 --> 00:11:18.879
Unless your wife is aware and even then it's a bit sketchy.
00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:22.080
That's a whole different avenue to go down.
00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:28.240
I mean, there has to be conversations and you have to have a lot of honesty and I don't even know you.
00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:33.679
However, if you're just looking for a quick hookup and you don't care and that's on you.
00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:35.919
I mean, it's everybody's choice.
00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:39.720
You do what you think is right or whatever you want to do.
00:11:39.820 --> 00:11:42.360
Me personally, I'm not really into that.
00:11:43.399 --> 00:11:45.899
I did explore Craigslist a little bit.
00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.159
I just wasn't comfortable with that.
00:11:48.919 --> 00:11:53.240
I was in a group for a while of a bunch of people that were in the singles ads.
00:11:53.379 --> 00:11:56.820
They were in a group on Kick and I met some really cool people in there.
00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:00.240
They were real fun to talk to and it was fun.
00:12:01.779 --> 00:12:09.980
I would love to hear from some of you guys, gals, all of the above, what your experiences have been on social media and networking apps.
00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:11.919
What were your experiences?
00:12:12.360 --> 00:12:14.679
Do you know of some that are good that I haven't listed?
00:12:15.259 --> 00:12:24.139
I would guess there are many, many out there and I don't have any clue where I would even start to explore, but hit me up with your suggestions and comments.
00:12:24.539 --> 00:12:26.159
I would love to hear what you have to say.
00:12:27.220 --> 00:12:34.519
Next week, we're talking about what it's like to be in a dom-sub relationship and I have a very special guest.
00:12:34.980 --> 00:12:37.159
I'm bringing my own personal subbie.
